Only God And Carson Wentz Have The Ability To Get Chik-fil-A On A Sunday

Screen Shot 2018-04-30 at 10.30.46 AM

What is this sorcery, you ask? Tis no witchcraft (I hope), just another miracle performed by the Lord & Savior resurrected in Ginger form. As we know, Chik-fil-A is biblically known for being a devout Christian organization and therefore closes its doors to honor the third(?) commandment:

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God.”

A gloriously sanctimonious move by Chik-fil-A. If I actually cared, I would point out the blatant hypocrisy of the fast food company for shutting down their doors solely to keep the Sabbath day holy but encourages Carson Wentz, a man/deity who works for a company that one-upped God himself by stealing his own damn day. Sorry, God or Jehovah or Iehova or whatever you want to be called to trick Indiana Jones from swiping the Holy Grail. The NFL owns Sundays, not you. But I digress. If Ginger Jesus wants a chicken patty, Ginger Jesus gets a chicken patty. Not to mention I think he’s pious in the mind of those Chik-fil-A nuts to deserve fast food on a Sunday. Carson Wentz spends his offsesons getting TURNT via Bible sessions on Skype for Christ’s sake. Chik-fil-A should let him live in a chain solely to spread the Good Word.

PS – You’re not wrong, Almighty Jadenn. Well, maybe you’re wrong about one thing. But the point still stands.

PPS – Remember a few years back when people were defending Chik-fil-A for coming out against gay marriage and started singing God Bless America while waiting in line for hours at a time for a $2.99 chicken sandwich and waffle fries? That was cute. Definitely not lunacy at all.