I Think Dave Gettleman Declared War On Football Analytics

Oh boy, Davey Quoteviews really did it this time. If there is anything in this world that analytics nerds hate, it’s being mocked by people that don’t think like them. Sure they spend a fair amount of their time mocking people that don’t like their analytics, but that’s besides the point. When it comes to pissing off analytic heads, the fake keyboard move is only behind the jokes that they live in their mom’s basement just like us bloggers do.

The Giants were already catching enough heat for drafting Saquon Barkley so high before Gettleman fired this shot across the analytical bow. Now everything he does is going to get systemically picked apart with complex theorems with fancy abbreviations and formulas that would stump Will Hunting. That’s just the way it goes. The Eagles just went from a team nobody really thought much of to the Super Bowl champion on the back of analytics. So to come at the growing faction of football minds that subscribe to analytics is interesting. But I think interesting is the perfect way to describe Dave Gettleman. At least until the Giants start winning or losing a lot of games with him at the helm.

And to all those analytics people, I ask that you take it easy on the Giants for at least the fans sake. I love all of your numbers. I’ve been rocking with Football Outsiders forever. Giants scoring high PFF numbers get my dick hard. Please don’t think of Gettleman as some football caveman because of that gesture. I mean look at the way Caveman Dave breaks down game film. He’s an advanced football junkie just like you!

Shit. I guess the Giants and the Raiders are the two franchises run by #FootballGuys that want to bring the game back to 1998.

Doing these like the Raiders usually works out well for your franchise, right? RIGHT?

By the way, this is much more terrifying than any numbers some analytics nerd may throw out about taking a running back at the number 2 pick.


Time to fight back against the football scaries the only way I know how. By watching the same Saquon Barkley highlights on loop. AGAIN.