Matt Duchene, Talk About Your All Time Backfires

NHL: MAR 24 Hurricanes at Senators

Gather ’round children and let me tell you all the tale about the time that Matt Duchene made the biggest fuck up in the history of fuck ups. You see, it all starts a few short seasons ago when Duchene started begging to get out of Colorado. Matt Duchene is a competitor. You can’t fault him for that. And after the Colorado Avalanche went on a 3-year skid of finishing 7th, 6th, and 7th in the division, the time had come for Matt to make his demand very clear that he wanted the heck out. It wasn’t anything personal against the team. He just wanted to be fighting for a spot in the playoffs rather than fighting for the #1 overall pick every year. Which leads us to this quote after he was finally dealt to the Ottawa Senators.

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So Duchene is out of Colorado. He goes to a team who was playing in the Eastern Conference Final last season. This story seems like it is going to have a happy ending, right? Wrong. Because it turns out this story is directed by M. Night Shyamalan and here comes the twist.

On the very last day of the 2017-18 NHL regular season, the final playoff spot in the Western Conference came down to the Colorado Avalanche and the St. Louis Blues. It just so happens that the two teams played against one another in game 82 and it was a true winner advances, loser packs their shit and goes home type of scenario. And with the season on the line, the Avalanche went out there and kicked the Blues’ dicks in, winning the game 5-2 and advancing to the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the first time since 2013-14. The Colorado Avalanche went from a team that only won 22 games last season, to playing playoff hockey in just one year.

Meanwhile, there’s Matt Duchene. The man who begged to get out of Colorado because all he wanted to do was play some playoff hockey. How did he and his Senators do on Saturday night in game 82?

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Matt Duchene went from the worst team in the league last year, to the 2nd worst team in the league this year. I mean.. I guess technically that is still considered an upgrade. But keep in mind there are 31 teams in the league this year. So he went from the 30th place team last year to the 30th place team this year. Nothing like some good ol’ fashion lateral movement.

And to make things even sweeter? Well nobody has any idea what the future holds for the Ottawa Senators. Erik Karlsson is still under contract for another season but all signs seem to be pointing toward him being on the move this summer. You’d have to imagine that in order for anybody to land Erik Karlsson in a trade, they’d also have to take on Bobby Ryan. The good news is that at least they traded for 36-year-old Marian Gaborik this season. Gaborik is signed through 2020-21 so that deal will pay off huge when he’s 40.

The Ottawa Senators are in complete disarray. The Colorado Avalanche are heading to the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And Matt Duchene is figuring out his vacation plans right now like


To quote the late, great David Portnoy–“What an idiot. What a fucking idiot”.