I’ve Decided I Hate This Ninja Guy

Newsflash. I’m old. You know how I know I’m old? Because I’ve never played Fortnight. I used to be the KING of video games. NHL 93? Unbeatable. Super Tecmo? Forget about it. Maddens? Beat you by 50. Fifa? Massacre city. People used to say my name in hushed tones across campuses nationwide. I was like the bogeyman. The guy you just didn’t want to play in anything. I didn’t do it for money. I didn’t do it for prestige. People didn’t sign up on Amazon Prime to watch me demolish people. I did it for pride. I did it because I loved being the best. But it wasn’t a career. It was just a hobby I happened to be the best in the world at. But I guess if I was in college now I’d be making millions of my talents? At least that’s what young people tell me? Like I’d never heard of this Ninja guy till yesterday, but apparently he’s the best and he makes 500K a month playing fortnight. This fucking guy!

Are you kidding me! 500K a month! For what? Running around dressed as the Easter Bunny shooting people in a video game? Listen I don’t know shit about Fortnight but I guarantee you if I practiced for a month I’d kill the shit out of this Ninja guy. He wouldn’t know what hit him. I wouldn’t need purple hair or fancy joysticks. I’d use my brain, my fast thumbs and put this guy 6 feet under. Just infuriates me that I’ve built Barstool for 15 years and this “gamer” is more famous and makes more money than I do, all for doing something that I know I’m better at to begin with.

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