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I'd Like To Formally Challenge Anthony Davis To Rough N Rowdy

So the scuttlebutt around the internet right now is that Anthony Davis shaving his unibrow is nothing more than an April Fools Day prank. That Anthony Davis didn’t actually shave his unibrow and it’s nothing more than a caprice for all the world to fall for. Some people have even gone on to call my previous blog, “an overreaction of epic proportions.” To which I wholeheartedly disagree.

Listen, we live in a society. That society has rules. And rule one is that April Fools Day takes place on April 1st. It’s not a fucking week long celebration like Christmas or some shit. It doesn’t even warrant a full weekend like Memorial Day. No no, it’s a one day deal. If we start accepting March 31 as an acceptable day to be playing pranks, then where do we draw the line? Like can I pretend to surprise KFC with some chocolate donuts in mid-July but oh wait the donuts are really just covered in dogshit? Haha! April Fools bro! Of course I can’t! That would be barbaric. We’d all be living in constant fear, wondering when the next prank would fall upon our skulls. Society as we know it would cease to function. Farmers would stop tilling the fields! The stock market would crash! Wild packs of dogs would rule the streets! Give these pranksters an inch and they’ll take a mile, a mile we’re in no position to give up.

So naturally the only recourse I can take from here is to challenge Anthony Davis to Rough N Rowdy. I hate that this is the case but what else am I to do in this situation? Let chaos win out? I think not. I’m not saying I’m a hero for trying to maintain the balance of this fine country of ours but if you want to start throwing around that word I’m not going to stop anyone. Whichever Rough N Rowdy takes place after the Pelicans season ends I’m ready to throw fists, Anthony. You let me know when that is and I’ll meet you in the ring. You messed with the wrong, horrifically out of shape blogger on this one, bub.

Here’s a little preview of the savage beating of a life time I’m ready to dole out. You have nowhere to run and no one to blame but yourself, pal.