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If A Wrestler Spits On Your Kid, You Pretty Much Have No Choice But To Fight Him, Right?

The answer to that hypothetical headline is yes. Hell yes. *Daniel Bryan voice* YES YES YES!!! In fact the answer to the question “If (Insert Any Human On The Planet) Spits On Your Kid, You Pretty Much Have No Choice But To Fight (Him/Her), Right?” is yes. It doesn’t matter if it’s The Mountain from Game of Thrones, the President of the United States, or the Queen of England. There are just certain lines that shouldn’t be crossed. And that line is pretty much a line of spit. Even Dave Portnoy, who is currently locked in a bitter Twitter feud with a 98-year-old nun that probably has never even heard of the World Wide Web, would never even dream of spitting on someone to draw heat.

But this fucking idiot decided to bring the saliva in the name of cheap heat and got attacked because of it. And you can’t blame the dad one bit for his reaction. You gotta protect your kid’s honor and safety at all times. I had some brat at my daughter’s daycare pull her hair and I wanted to punt that little fucker to Neptune. That’s the reason Liam Neeson stacks bodies higher than the Freedom Tower every other year when his dumbass daughter gets kidnapped. A man’s got to have a code. Once that loogie flew at its target, it was go time for that dad. To be honest, this dad’s honor and safety was at risk too. Because if he got home and his kids told the mama bear that they were spit on by some minor league chump wrestler and the dad did nothing, instant divorce is probably the best case scenario.

And while I hate to criticize a decision that was made during the heat of the moment, this dad had carte blanche to retaliate any way he wanted. He chose fisticuffs, which is an oldie but goodie. However if he could have just kept his cool a millisecond longer, he would have probably thought to use a steel chair and crush it over this dude’s skull as hard as he wanted knowing that no jury on Earth would have convicted him for assault. That’s like getting a free trip to a wrestling fantasy camp while also becoming a hero in your child’s eyes. That’s killing two birds with one stone that people dream about. He’s probably kicking himself over this now for not taking that freebie. But at least he reacted instead of being timid and sentenced to sleeping on the couch for the next year or so.

P.S. If it comes out that this video was somehow all an inside job and that kid wanted to be spit on, I’m using my Wrestling Fan Get Out Of Jail Free Card even though I haven’t seriously watched wrestling in more than a decade.