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Barstool’s Official USMNT vs Paraguay Preview

Sam’s Soccer Safe Space for Stoolies

1-USA

Hi haters,

Longest international break in history? Longest international break in history. That’s the bad news. As for the good news, HOLY MOTHER OF GOD I would make babies with next weekend if I knew how:

4-zlatan

3-der

2-chelsea

In the meantime though we’ve got a “fun” little friendly between USMNT and Paraguay to watch tonight. So what follows is a quick and dirty preview serving mainly to remind everybody that the game is even being played – with a couple good reasons to watch thrown in for good measure (free of charge!)

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USMNT

5-schedule

DOES THE OUTCOME OF THIS GAME MATTER EVEN A LITTLE BIT?
No. Not even a little bit.

SO WHY WATCH?
Because its muh-fuggin MERICA that is playing, that’s why… and also because there’s gonna be a bunch of young kids running around out there representing the next wave of talent that (hopefully) won’t ever break our heart by shitting the bed in WC qualifying… and maybe – jusssssssssssssst maybe – might even do some legitimate damage in Qatar and/or (more likely) right here in the USA/Canada/Mexico (but really just USA).

6-XI

TALKING POINTS

N00bs!
Today marks the first ever start for Zack Steffen (GK – Columbus), Cameron Carter-Vickers (D – Tottenham), Kenny Saief (MF – Anderlecht) and Marky Delgado (MF – Toronto).

CB pairing
Keep an eye on how Carter-Vickers and Matt Miazga work together in the center of defense as the two could be in contention for some serious playing time in big games (ie, in 2019).

MF on way out?
Has Darlington Nagbe plateaued? It seems a legitimate question mark at this point.

MF on way up?
A lot of people think that RBNY’s Tyler Adams has the potential be a difference maker at the international level. He looked pretty dang good this fall when given a chance. Continued progression and more poise would be great to see.

Weah?!
True difference makers have been hard to come by for the USMNT since… well… mostly forever prior to Pulisic. (Yeah, yeah, Landon for a minute and Dempsey in spurts, but not really against top competition.) Timothy Weah, an 18-year-old who plays attacking mid for PSG, could be yet another world class player before long. He’s not in the starting XI but he should HE BETTER play at some point.

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“PREDICTION”

I would much, much, MUCH rather lose 1-4 with a handful of players looking damn good versus grinding out a 1-0 win where few if any players step up. But gun to head………..

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So there we have it. A glorified reminder that there is a game to watch tonight masquerading as a preview. Go Merica! Enjoy the rest of your vacation from me and check ya on Friday. This weekend gon’ be fun.


Holler,
Samuel Army