How Long Until Charmin Ultra Soft Vikings Fan Write A Letter To Their Senator About Sixers Fans Breaking Out A SKOL-Style "Fultz" Chant?
By now, everybody knows that Minnesota is the softest fanbase in North America. It’s not their fault. They were just born that way. They’re essentially Canadians if you think about it. Overly polite. Never intend any harm to anybody else. The kind of people who will give you the shirt off their back and invite you over for dinner even if their team just lost. All they care about is some good, clean, spirited competition.
That is–of course–until you beat the shit out of them in the NFC Championship game and occasionally give their fans the middle finger while they’re attempting to “takeover” your city with their silly little clap/chant on the Art Museum Steps. Maybe the occasional beer gets thrown at them but again, that’s on Minnesota fans for not catching the beers. Since when is it wrong for Philly fans to donate free beers to opposing fans? But yeah. You do that shit while in the process of ruining their lives, then they cry for weeks on end and beg the NFL to run an actual investigation on your city’s fan behavior. It’s sad, really. A quick Google search tells me that there are 5.577 million people living in the state of Minnesota. That means there are roughly 11 million buttcheeks in Minnesota. And all 11 million of those cheeks are hurt.
The only thing you can do after that is steal their Viking SKOL chant that they stole from Iceland, and use it to chant out the name of your backup quarterback who completely dismantled their “best defense in the league” and went on to win the Super Bowl MVP. However–things took an even drastic turn last night after Markelle Fultz made his highly anticipated return to the Sixers after some of the weirdest few months in #1 overall pick history. And considering the name “Fultz” sounds a helluva lot like “Foles”, Philly fans had no hesitation on pulling the trigger here…
You just hate to see that. The Minnesota fans have PTSD from their time here in Philly and all this is going to do is trigger them again. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry for my Philly brethren reminding you of that time the Philadelphia Eagles completely dismantled and stomped the shit out of your Vikings 38-7 in the NFC Championship game. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry that you’ll have to watch us raise our Super Bowl banner in the opening game of the season next year as the Eagles host the Vikings that night. If it makes you feel any better, at least you won’t be there in the NBA Finals to have to hear the “Fultz” chants live as the Sixers keep the City of Champions rolling this June.
10 points. 8 assists. 4 rebounds. In just 14 minutes on the floor for the first time in 5 months. Oh, and there’s also a new Joel Embiid poster ready for everybody to put in their room after Paul Millsap got blasted in the ass by The Process.
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7 straight wins for the Sixers. 43 wins on the year to hit the over for their season total. Fultz is back and it is just so damn good to be from the City of Brotherly Love. But again, I’m terribly sorry to any Minnesota fan who may have been offended by that chant. It was not our intention.