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Once Again, Instagram Has Changed Its Algorithm And Once Again, They Forgot To Add The Most Obvious Improvement: A Mute Button

NY Times- Instagram is changing its algorithm to make things a little more timely.

Users are now likely to see newer posts higher up, the image-sharing app said in a statement on Thursday, adding that its feeds will “feel more fresh.” Instagram’s algorithm, in other words, won’t be meddling quite as much. More images and videos will be allowed to bubble up as they come.

The company also said it was testing a “New Posts” button so that users can refresh their feeds when they want to, rather than automatically being transported to the top in the middle of browsing.

The changes are in response to user feedback. They appear to address some common gripes, like how certain posts can keep appearing on your screen for days and days and days, or how your feed can begin to feel skewed in favor of the same old friends you habitually double-tap.

Still, the move appears to dial back, even if only slightly, the major change that came in March 2016 when Instagram said feeds would be “ordered to show the moments we believe you will care about the most.”

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First, this blog has nothing to do with EmRata but I included that post because it’s Friday so why not? Moving on…

The problem with the old Instagram algorithm was that it fed you every single post from every person you followed, in chronological order. If you don’t follow too many people, it was easy to scroll down and get to the last picture you’d seen the last time you checked your feed. The problem with this system was that so many people post the most BORING, INANE, BULLSHIT. Chicks posting landscapes and yogurt parfaits, dudes posting fish they’d caught and chairlift selfies. You couldn’t unfollow these people because they’re friends of your girlfriend or siblings of your buddy and people take that shit more personally than a punch in the genital. So you sucked it up and scrolled past their nonsense as fast as you could, building up a hatred for their tone-deaf indulgence.

Then, Instagram adopted the Facebook feed algorithm. This is what we’ve got now, and it curates your feed to show you what it thinks you want to see. Ever since the switch, my entire feed has been filled with bikini babes and beefy, veiny dudes banging out hammer curls at the gym. It’s not diverse, but it sure is nutritious. For the most part, this algorithm was a huge improvement over the last… with one MASSIVE exception.

If you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re required by law to like every single picture they post. It’s more important than a goodnight text or an immediate “wow! I’m hard!” response when she sends a nude. The algorithm tracks that you like all your lady’s posts so it bumps her stuff to the top of your feed. But it has no idea that all of a sudden, you two broke up because she found beads in your bed, and I’m not talking about the kind that go around your neck (it’s the rectum kind!)

As you suffer through a difficult breakup, the last thing you want is to see your old girl looking incredible on the beach, but Instagram continues to pump that shit in front of you because it never got the memo about the breakup. Most people will say… just unfollow her, right? The problem with that is, then she knows she’s beaten you. She knows she’s better than you because you can’t handle her hotness. She’s gotten into your head and you fucked up and now she’s happier blah blah blah here’s a fucking slideshow to prove it. Oh, and check out her new BF! He’s buffer than you and he has dark hair so they can be tan together! WHAT AN IMPROVEMENT, ALL BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO HIDE YOUR ANAL BEADS!!

The solution? A mute button. Holy shit, twitter has it and it’s the best thing of all time. Like most of our bloggers, I’ve got my fair share of haters. I used to block them when they’d send me hateful shit on twitter, but Big Cat told me that blocking a troll is like giving them a badge of honor because they know they’ve taken up real estate in your brain. The better solution is to mute them– out of sight, out of mind. They’ll continue to spew their vitriol at me, thinking I’m seeing it, but I have no idea they even exist. It’s earmuffs on a day bed at the beach. It’s a beautiful, peaceful existence all thanks to a simple middle-ground solution in the mute button.

A mute button on Instagram would solve both of our main problems. It would allow us to avoid seeing our ex’s posts without him/her knowing we were bothered by them, and it would allow us to avoid seeing the annoying drivel that clogs our feed from people we can’t unfollow. Please, nerds, give us a mute button or so help me God… I’ll continue to addictively check my Instagram every 10 minutes.