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Connor McDavid Better Show Up To Little Alex's 10th Birthday Party


Dear Connor McDavid, 

Can you come to my birthday party. I will be turning ten on July 6, 11:00am – 5:00pm the next day. You don’t have to sleep over. I saw the video of when the teenagers were being rude to you when you were trying to leave the restaurant  with your parents so your invited to my birthday party. We will be having a street hockey game so you might want to bring Darnel Nurse for defense and a tough guy like Zack Kassian or Jujhar Khaira. If you need any more details here my number for my house. 



I’m not saying that Connor McDavid is a monster if he turns down this birthday invitation. But I’m also not saying that he’s not a monster either. How can you say no to this? Alex is turning 10 and he’s having a kick ass street hockey party to celebrate. I don’t need it to be anybody’s birthday to want to show up to a street hockey game. As long as there are decent numbers, at least one goalie and the street isn’t riddled with pot holes, I’m there. Hell, I’m probably gonna have to make the trip up to Edmonton to crash Alex’s birthday party myself.


And I can tell I already love this kid like he’s my own son. Alex isn’t a part of this new generation of hockey fans. He knows that even if it’s a street hockey game for a birthday party, the game still needs enforcers. You think he wants to risk Connor McDavid getting out there without any protection? Shoot no. His little friend Billy is cool and everything but he can also be a huge prick. As soon as Billy starts losing by more than 3 goals, he’s out there hacking away at the back of knees. Son of a bitch. But as long as 97 brings Kassian or Khaira out there with him, Billy won’t be pulling that shit anymore. So shoutout to Alex for understanding the necessity of enforcers in today’s game. They’re not going out there to be goons and rough people up for no reason. They’re out there to keep everybody in line.

P.S. – How much does it suck not having birthday parties anymore? Or at least not birthday parties that anybody else actually wants to go to anymore. “Oh you’re turning 27 and you want me to spend money on an open bar just because you were born on a specific date? No fucking thank you”.  But I’d kill to be able to have another 10th birthday party. Just get loaded up on chicken fingers, Mountain Dew Code Red, polish everything off with a nice little ice cream cake. Sounds like the best day of my life. The fact that anybody thinks an open bar is better than chicken fingers and Mountain Dew is a joke.