ALL HAIL THIS JOEL EMBIID HAIRCUT
Advertisement
Bow down before it, puny Earthlings, for we have a new king. Give respect to the other cuts, but kneel and be humbled by the work of pure glory on that head. The artistry performed by that barber can only be compared to the immaculateness of Rafiki painting Simba on his tree. That lettuce is holy. With 25 and 19 by living Joel in a decisive W over Charlotte later, I’d say the haircut proved its worth. Not to mention the Sixers are at 39 wins and are going to play a full season and end up with a winning record (most likely, if they hit 42 and they damn well better) for the first time since…2005??!?!?!?! Jesus Christ. And they say The Process wasn’t necessary.
Love the cut. Now it’s back to normal Philly sports works of body art, in which zero logical life decisions are made by said body:
Only in Philly would someone literally wear their football team combined with their political beliefs on (or close to) their sleeve. And I’m not even upset about the idea. If you want to be THAT guy, go nuts. But this unGodly image, created by Uproxx way back when, is just…ugly. There’s no other way to put it. The Donald is not an attractive specimen my any means, but at least make it look a little more pleasant to look at. That thing looks like it’s about to crawl out of a stomach and eat the first illegal it sees. Do better. Now go crawl back to your parent’s bedroom in Roxbourough, Deli break room in South Philly, or barbacking shift in Delco, and stop giving normal, sane Eagles fans a bad, or rather weird, reputation. We already have trouble trying to shake off harmless shade that happened 50+ years ago. Don’t add gasoline to this trashpile, please.