Father's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hats, Polos, Crewnecks, Q-Zips and MoreSHOP NOW

Advertisement

Humanity Is Officially Doomed Now That Jeff Bezos And The Boston Dynamics Robot Dogs Have Teamed Up

That picture just sent a legitimate chill down my spine. Humanity is a wrap. You don’t walk next to a robotic man killer with that type of swagger unless you know that the war has already been won. Looking back now, mankind still had a chance to survive before this picture was taken. Sure Amazon slowly taking over the world and Boston Dynamics leading the charge of the inevitable Man vs. Machine War were red flags. But neither were in the Top 5 immediate concerns for the future of the human species. But now the stakes have changed. Amazon and Boston Dynamics are apparently teaming up like Vince McMahon and the Undertaker to form some real life Corporate Ministry. A real life supervillain #superteam. When historians look back through the rubble of whatever dystopian future they live in, they will wonder how we ever allowed it to get this far. I mean look at this motherfucker.

Advertisement

vill

That is so clearly the face on a real life Lex Luthor. Meanwhile we kept buying packages from him because the prices were cheap, the shipping was free, and since you could order so many different things from Amazon, you would inevitably forget what was in your package so every time you opened an Amazon box it was like Christmas morning. Bezos kept collecting money and power off of that incredible Christmas morning feeling and now he has the perfect ally to take over the planet. Robots. You have to train, feed and manage an army of men. Robots just need a battery to power them and some software loaded into their brain. Every single one of them can learn every skill in Amazon’s database in the time it takes to download a file like they are Neo in The Matrix thanks to Bezos’ unlimited money and technology. And how many people do you think have that bitch spy Alexa plugged into their homes?

total-sales-amazon-echo-google-home-voicebot-estimate-q3-2017-1-01

Checkmate.

And for the people that think that this video will save us, my response is shut up. Just shut up.

That video was clearly put out there by Boston Dynamics as a rope-a-dope for our minds. They want us to think that these dogs can be tripped up by a banana peel. This isn’t Mario Kart. This is real fucking life. I guarantee Boston Dynamics figured out how to stop banana peel slips in Hell Dog 1.01. And even if bananas were the achilles heel of the robot dog, I’m sure Lex Bezos could unleash an odorless gas or group of locusts around the world that would destroy every banana tree on Earth with the snap of his fingers. I thought that it would take Bezos or Boston Dynamics at least another 10 years to get to the point where they could put up a fight against humanity. But now that they have teamed up, we are all fucked. I guarantee the reason peoples Alexa’s started laughing like a creepy fuck out of the blue 2 weeks ago was because she knew the alliance was official.

Advertisement

TL;DR- We are so fucked. Close this blog, throw your phone into a river, and hide in a nuclear bunker with no electronics within 1000 miles.