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It Is Your Duty As An American To Tell Everybody About How Busted Your Bracket Is Today

NCAA BASKETBALL: MAR 18 Div I Men's Championship - Second Round - Nevada v Cincinnati

It’s the Monday after the first four days of the NCAA Tournament. We’ve seen upsets galore so far and the Madness which tends to transpire in March is for sure transpiring. So it is your job and your duty as an American today to go around and tell absolutely everything you come across about how busted your March Madness bracket is.

I don’t care if it’s a co-worker, if it’s the Chick-Fil-A employee working the drive-thru handing you your spicy chicken sandwich with no pickles, or if it’s your parole officer. If you come into contact with anybody today, the very first thing out of your mouth needs to be “damn, man. Can you believe those first two rounds? As if my bracket wasn’t already shot enough after the first day, it’s completely toast right now. I don’t even know why I keep filling one out every year because this shit just always seems to happen. Crazy”.

From there you can go on to tell them about how you actually almost picked UMBC in the first round but ended up not doing it. Could you imagine if you did though? Wow. That would have been epic. Actually–now that you think about it–you did pick them to win over Virginia in one of your other brackets but you just can’t seem to remember which one it was. It wasn’t your work one, it wasn’t your one with all your buddies from college, was it the one that your friend from high school invited you to that you don’t know anybody else? Hard to keep track of all of them but you definitely called that one. Good for you. It just sucks that it wasn’t on your main bracket because now you’re tied for 15th and that bitch Bethany is in like 2nd. She doesn’t even know anything about college basketball.


Either way, today is the day. Mailman? Tell him about how trash your bracket is after this weekend. Guy at the gym who asks you to spot him put up 315 for maybe a half rep before you have to almost kill yourself trying to re-rack it for him? Well assuming you’re able to keep the bar from crushing his trachea, talk to him about how your Final Four is already completely ruined. Homeless guy on the street who is clearly one some shit and spewing nonsense? Ehhh. Maybe just walk by him and move on to somebody else. But the next person for sure. The people deserve to hear about how you’re doing so far this tournament. Who are you to rob them of their inalienable rights?