Giants Finally Address The Offensive Line By Signing Nate Solder To A 4-Year, $60 Million Contract

NATE SOLDER, YOU BIG BEAUTIFUL 6’8″ HOG MOLLY. WELCOME TO NEW YORK!!!!!!! Ereck Flowers, you big fucking donkey, welcome to right tackle, the bench, or the waiver wire. Our beloved baby boy Elisha Nelson may actually live to see his 38th birthday after all!

*Looks again at contract details*

*Sighs loudly*

Now obviously the Giants were going to have to pay out of the ass for a good lineman. Lots of dollars are currently leaving John Mara’s anus and being directly deposited into Nate Solder’s bank account. That’s just how the fucking cookie crumbles. If you can’t draft and develop linemen, you are either going to have to find a diamond in the rough or break the bank. And the bank has been broken. But it’s better to break the bank than break your quarterback, whether it’s Eli or whoever the number 2 pick of the draft is, right?

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The Giants missed out on an All-Pro guard in Andrew Norwell yesterday and the sky was falling on #GiantsTwitter. Another year with another shitty offensive line would have driven us all crazy. So Dave Gettleman came through on his promise of a Hog Molly with Nate Solder now manning left tackle. And as Sandra Bullock taught us in The Blind Side, left tackle is a very very important position. Solder may not have an All-Pro appearance on his resume, but he plays the 2nd most important position on offense and has been a fucking rock on the greatest franchise in sports. I still remember when the Pats snagged Solder in the 2011 draft 2 picks before the Giants and being heartbroken because Big Blue had been linked to him. There is something about a 6’8″ offensive lineman that gets the juices flowing for Football Guys. The G-Men ended up drafting Prince Amukamara and while he didn’t turn out to be what we hoped he would be, the Giants did win the Super Bowl that year. And since I believe in the Butterfly Effect, I am more than fine with the way everything played out. Granted the 6 seasons since that Super Bowl haven’t been that much fun, but you gotta take the Lombardi Trophy when you can get it and Nasty Nate still ends up in New York a few years later. The best of both worlds! And yes I know that Solder hasn’t been the best left tackle in the NFL and that signing a player from the Patriots doesn’t always lead to success. But again, our current Plan B was still somehow Ereck Flowers at left tackle and this tweet makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

At this time last year, Jerry Reese let Andrew Whitworth sign with the Rams without even kicking his imaginary tires. This year, the Giants negotiated with AND signed Nate Solder. I have to chalk that up as a win for the Giants and their uneven offense no matter how much it cost them.

I’m not sure what Gettleman has up in his sleeves next. Cap room wasn’t exactly easy to come by before the Solder signing, so hopefully we have some restructured deals coming up before the O-line continues to get addressed and whatever the fuck they do in the draft.