SAN ANTONIO — Maybe it’s San Antonio, maybe it’s Texas, but there are two things you don’t do here: criticize the people or talk smack about the culture. One local businessman is proud of his hometown, and especially his Spurs. That’s why when he heard Charles Barkley, an NBA Hall-of-Famer and former Weight Watchers spokesman, poking fun at local women, he decided to let Barkley know that he’s been noticing Charles’ weight gain, too.
“I was sitting watching the game on Saturday and I saw that people were blasting him on Facebook and asking him to apologize,” explained Raymond Diaz, the owner of Everybody Loves Raymond’s. “To me, his comments were out of context. Yes, this is a fat town, but you’re fat like us, too!” Raymond’s south-side burger joint is a place where one can grab some grub, gulp some suds and shoot the breeze while watching the playoffs. Diaz said Game 4 against Portland will be an exciting night at the restaurant. Not only are the Spurs looking to sweep the Blazers on Monday night, but Diaz said he will be serving up a “big, fat Mexican burger” in Barkley’s honor. Complete with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cheese, rice, beans, a chalupa and two cheese enchiladas, it’s basically a Mexican combination plate on a bun. You could call it “chuck for Chuck.” “We’re gonna serve it with a churro on the side, too,” Raymond said. “Like a pickle spear.”
Jesus Christ are the people of San Antonio this dumb? This has become painful to watch. Hey man, how should we get back at the fat guy that loves food? Oh I know! Let’s make an awesome hamburger loaded with everything ever and maybe a couple of churros on the side, and then we’ll have our fat people eat it and get fatter and gross, that’ll really show him. That was your comeback? Come on San Antonio. It’s not fun when you can’t at least kind of sort of play along. We’re now the big bad bullies who are making fun of the kid with special needs who is unable to form a proper comeback. Not to mention, what the hell is with the “Mexican” part of the burger. Is that racism towards yourself? I don’t get it, Charles is black. Just so confusing and weird on so many levels. Charles Barkley called you fat and you created a fat hamburger that your own fat citizens will end up eating only to get even fatter. That was your comeback. Figure out San Antonio, you’re making us all look bad.*
How about Raymond Diaz killing the restaurant name game. “Everybody Loves Raymond” get it? Like the TV Show. ZING!
*Just kidding, you’re making none of us look bad. If the Spurs ceased to exist I would never think of San Antonio ever again in my entire life.