For The Record, I Didn't Have Three Pints Of Blood Drained From My Penis After A 17-Hour Erection

Daily Mail- A man with a 17-hour erection had to have three pints of drained from his penis to relieve the problem. Jason Garnett, 23, described the situation as ‘pure agony’ and said he could only watch in horror as a doctor stabbed a cannula into the side of his manhood. He was diagnosed with a condition known as priapism – caused by a blockage of the blood vessels that empty the penis.  Doctors told him they would have to draw off blood to reduce the pressure. ‘Seeing them stab my penis with a needle was horrible – like something out of a horror film,’ said Mr Garner, a hotel worker from Harrogate, North Yorkshire. ‘They were injecting me with adrenalin – and had to do it 24 times.’ Doctors had warned that if the injections failed to work, they would have to operate.  The incident occurred last week after he spent the drinking heavily before sleeping with a female friend – and not taking Viagra, he insists.

So this story is old. I googled it last night and it’s from 2014. I knew nothing about it until a Stoolie tweeted the picture at me asking if I was okay. Listen, I have a lot of lookalikes. That’s been well established. More than anybody I know. I actually don’t mind having an army of Trents walking around God’s green earth. It’s kinda nice. We’re all in this world looking weird together but it can be a gift and a curse. Like when a guy who looks pretty much exactly like me gets three pints of blood drained from his dick after having a 17-hour erection. I just wanted to set the record straight: I have never had three pints of blood drained from my 17-hour erection. Any reports to the contrary are false and will be aggressively pursued by my legal team.

On the flip side, no publicity is bad publicity. The guy had a 17-hour erection. That’s super impressive. I bet you can’t name one other guys who has had a 17-hour erection. So sup, ladies? If I get mistaken on the street for being the guy who had an erection for a really long time that’s not the worst thing in the world. That’s the gift of the army of Trents that are walking around.

PS- Forget the erection. I would KILL for that guy’s hairline. Kill for it.