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#FootballGuy Jon Gruden Has No Time For Your "Analytics" Or "Data"

Yessssssss. Nothing beats a good Football Guy vs. Nerds battle and Jon Gruden just fired the first shot in the war. The Jon Gruden experiment was going to be fun enough because $100 million, Las Vegas, and Mark Davis were involved. But for Gruden to take a shot at one of the loudest growing sects in the football world before the combine even started means this is going to be a special 10 (almost definitely less tbh) years. It’s one thing is to say that you are more of a sabermetrics or analytics guy. It’s quite another reason to not even know how to say the word data. Gruden sounded like every person that was interviewing for a tech job 3 levels too high and I feel like he was five seconds away from going full Football Guy and becoming the What’s A Computer girl from those dumbass Apple commercials.

All we needed was Gruden mixing in a Belichick “Snapface” quote and a “You can’t hack a playbook written on paper” to win a Old Man Doesn’t Understand Your New Hippie Technology Bingo. Which again, I love. I bet when Jon Gruden hears the word analytics, he just thinks of the Matrix code with a bunch of numbers instead of a bunch of Ivy League grads crunching numbers in Excel. You know what kind of tools and dahta (or dayta) the Rrrrrrrraiders need? A stopwatch and a 40 time. If it’s fast enough, welcome to the team.

*Turns on Jon Gruden voice*

Now go learn Spider 2 Y Banana because I’ll tell you what man, we are going to line up 11 on 11 and jam it down their throats like it’s 1998 when men were men and nerds were in lockers. If you are too slow, best of luck on one of the other 31 teams that actually use those funny electronic boxes to measure their players.