FULL REPLAY | Barstool Live: El Pres, Big Cat, KFC and More LIVE from Barstool ScottsdaleWATCH NOW

Do Not Get Your Hopes Up For A "Black Panther" Porn Parody

Screen Shot 2018-02-22 at 2.31.45 PM

Porn parodies? Not for me. I don’t care for the scripts, production value, costume, etc that come with them but there’s no denying that they’re the lifeblood of the porn industry. Whenever a big movie, or any movie that can rhyme cohesively with a sex act, is released then you can bet your bottom dollar that on Tuesday they’ll film a parody where people fuck each other and it will be released on Thursday (very skilled editors, the porn industry has). However I’m one of the rare folks that enjoy porn for the sex. That’s what I’m here for, not all the other business. Heck, you can film a fully clothed woman talking about her butthole and I’ll probably finish before clothes start to shed so maybe I don’t even enjoy it for the sex. I don’t know, but I know it’s not for parodies.

Nevertheless, if you were waiting with bated breath for a porn parody of Black Panther then you can just go ahead and grab some oxygen, as it ain’t coming. The black pornstars have discussed it and they will take no part in parodying this historical film.

I don’t know about you guys but just reading that tweet is the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time. What a fucking hysterical image. I’m just picturing all the black, male pornstars on a conference call talking about this and I’m loling. Everyone wearing a robe, Timbs, and knee pads (I don’t know why black pornstars often wear gear like they’re movers, but they do. Like they showed up on set thinking they had to put a fridge in a truck and were just like “oh shit yeah I’ll fuck this girl, let me just take my pants off then put my shoes back on”) while discussing the cultural and historical implications of parodying a superhero movie. Talking about how they can’t dishonor their ancestors by pretending to be T’Challa and fucking Nakia. Don’t get me wrong I respect it, just a fantastic scenario to let play out in your head. Sorry if you were interested in seeing someone who looked very vaguely like Okoye handle a different kind of spear, I know I was, but it ain’t happening. Wakanda Forever.

PS – I saw Black Panther last night, it was obviously fantastic. The whole world is right. But, for those who have seen it, that last Killmonger line? Woooooo buddy that’s had the white guilt firing on all cylinders since the moment I heard it. It’s stuck with me almost as much as the “WHAT ARE THOOOOOSE” joke that the entire theater inexplicably laughed at, almost causing me to walk out of the theater in disappointment.