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Reveille: Would Capt Cons Suck GI Jane's Dick? Only Time Will Tell

Note from Chaps: Some of the ZBT crew are gonna start posting some early morning military-related blogs. The first one comes from Connor.

Last night I found myself watching G.I. Jane as I settled in to enjoy my dinner. Roasted pork chop and veggies. Thank you for asking. I came to the conclusion that, for a military movie G.I. Jane is:

Very bad. If you don’t trust my opinion because I wasn’t a Navy SEAL then maybe you’ll agree with ZBT guest, Rob O’Neil, who agrees it’s an insult to movies and the SEALs.

Listen to the episode we did with Rob here.

The problem is that it is lacking dearly in the Captain Cons Captivating Cinema Criteria. Without exemplary scores in the following categories, a movie will not be considered a good military movie.

Military and historical accuracy – Do the uniforms look right? Is the jargon accurate? Do the tactics make sense? All while staying true to the events as they occurred in history if the movie is based on actual events? This is the most important criteria because if you score poorly here I will trash the entire movie. See: Hurt Locker

Emotions evoked – 4 of my top 5 movies move me to tears no matter how many times I watch them. I’m a crier, what can I say. A good military movie should make you laugh and cry because in the military as we deal with grave consequences sometimes, a sense of humor is a staple of any unit no matter the branch or time in history. Not to mention displays of camaraderie do it for me.

Rewatchability – When I stumble onto something for the 69th time on AMC, I’m sticking around until the end?

Character investment – I think it’s imperative to feel like you know the characters and want to see them succeed in overcoming whatever hardships they may encounter in the plot.

Badassery – This one is simple – I need to see cool explosions or displays of heroism or both.

With those criteria in mind, here are my top 5 military movies in no particular order:

Saving Private Ryan
American Sniper
Platoon
Black Hawk Down
We Were Soldiers

This list is final and cannot be argued but feel free to try.

-Capt Cons

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