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Thank You Bitcoin Marty For Being The Backbone Of $100 Million Company Barstool Sports

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Shout out to Mad Dog for the lov….HOLD ON, WHAT????

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One more time……WHAT???

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El Pres. Big Cat. Bitcoin Marty. Or as they are better known as, the three pillars of Barstool Sports. From the Astro Van handing out newspapers in the pouring rain, to the $100 million multimedia company with headquarters in the Flatiron District of Manhattan, none of it would be possible without Bitcoin Marty.

Who is Bitcoin Marty, 99.9% of you might be wondering? Well I’ll tell you who I thought he was. I thought he was the guy who waltzed into Barstool HQ when Bitcoin was on a rocketship up to $20k, conned all of us into believing we’d be millionaires from buying Bitcoin, got hired by Louis, and then sat back and watched as Bitcoin went down to $6k. But oh how wrong I was. He’s actually the life-force behind Barstool. The reason we have a Sirius show. The reason we got that TV show for that one episode. The reason Chernin just re-invested in us. The reason the lovers love us, and the haters want to be us. Bitcoin fucking Marty, thank you so much for your service.

Somewhere, Francis weeps.