Sometimes You Think You're Gonna Have a Threesome And A Plot Twist Hits You Out Of Nowhere

Man, someone get this guy a cake

You know what they say about threesomes, if it seems too good to be true, it’s probably too good to be true. One second you think you’re about to have the threesome of your dreams with a 21 and 22 year old who have been doing Fireball shots and “just need to get over their exes”, and the next second you’re rolling on the ground with your eyes on fire, wallet stolen, and not a threeome in sight. What a real-life plot twist that man lived through. It was straight out of “Get Out”. Just really, really bad luck.

I don’t blame him though. Can’t blame a guy for trying. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and again. You can’t hit a home run with the bat on your shoulder. You have to swing for the fences every single time. When you get maced 99 times, you still go for the threesome on the 100th try. You never ever know when you’re going to find that nut. You never ever know.

h/t JenX