MMBM: Ernestine Bayless Has Been Absolutely Destroying Her Very Overrated Husband Skip In Sports Debates
Note: TL;DR.
Wellcome to the Monday Morning BM, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.
The question you have to ask yourself in sports debate television is who do I want making the tough takes when the games on the line. Who do I want questoning Russell Wilsons blacknesss in the fourth quater of a playoff game? If you only had one person to call Lebron James a fraud baby during a preseason game who would you choose? In the past its been common wisdom to say Skip Bayless. Everyone wants to crown him king just because hes got the visibilty and the contract to match it but Im here to tell you hes not even the best debator in his own house much less the world. Ernestine has been mopping the floor with Skip for the last 3 weeks and shows no sign of stopping. Bayless, who make’s $6 millon a year is very clearly the Robin to Ernestine’s Batman. Dont get me wrong, Skip is a perfectly ok TV personlty- kind of a complimentary piece who has been wildly overated by the media and lacks the killer instinct a superstar is suppose to have. You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not bowing down and kissing the ring when he hasnt proven he can win when it counts.
Shes even asking the questons that Skip is too afraid, or too dumb, to ask:
Your right thats a great question. Perhaps the only reason Skip didnt think to ask it is because hes never experenced the phenominon of being good enough at a sport where someone would want him on his team. Plus the queston of draft dodging comes up here and it makes you think- exactly where was Skip Bayless during Vietnam? When our nation needed our best and brightest people embracing debate on wether Ho Chi Minh won the Tet Offensive or if the United States lost it, where was Skip? When folks were glued to there TVs wondering if the United States played down to there competition, or if simply there perfect record in World Wars was the result of playing in a very weak eastern confrence, where was Skip? All fair questions.
Its sad that the so called “greatest debator of all time” all but admit’s defeat when it comes to taking on a real opponet.
You think Ross Perot or Rick Perry, the two greatest debators of our generation, would of ever admitted defeat before even trying? Absoluteley not. Its Sopranos verse Entourage, not even close Entourage was by far the smartest show with the most nuanced characters- for example Kevin Dillon was allways jerking off or trying to get laid! Get it together Skip. This is simply a disgrace for someone whose purported to be one of the GOATs. If I have to pick one person to win me one debate I want Ernestine with the ball in her hand.
Lets take another look inside the Bayless house:
This round shockkingly also goes to Ernestine. Instead of debating her on the merits of the argument, Bayless moved the goalposts- something he spends every other breath accusing Mason Crosby of doing verse HIS Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs a couple years ago:
So now we have two conclusive debates were Ernestine is the winner and zero evidence of Skip ever winning a single debate verse his wife. Exclusive look at their wedding vows:
Pastor Tebow: Skip, do you take Ernestine to be your lawful wedded wife?
Skip: I do.
(Pastor Tebow produces wedding band and Skip places it on Ernestines finger)
Ernestine: Just one ring? Jordan had six.
(Best man Stephen A Smith laughs so hard that his head tilts back and falls off all that left is his bottom jaw still laughing theres so much blood but lets get real it was a incredible burn)
More like Skip SAY-less IMO. Sorry Skip but step up your game or else your going to be bae-less. For the sake of your future kids you better hope that her clutch gene is as domnate in a punnet square as it is in your living room.
#TeamErnestine
On To The Awards…
Road Grader Of The Week: Laura Ingram
The Poltical commentator unleased a take quake last weekend as she told Lebron James to “shut up and dribble” instead of talking about gun control in the wake of the Parkland shooting. The most American thing you can possbly do is use your right to free speech to tell someone else not to use theres, but it does got to show you how little basketball she watches that she thinks Lerbron James of all people actually dribbles the ball instead of traveling all over creation. A real analyst on top of her facts would no sooner tell Lebron to get back to dribbling then she would tell Ted Ginn to stick to catching footballs, or telling Aaron Hernandez to take a deep breath before speaking his mind. She’s telling on herself for being a bad sport’s fan and not watching the gamefilm, maybe she should go back to Glenn Becks drawing board, shut up and figure out Pizzagate before Kevin Hart gets kidnapped. However, you have to admit Ingram is correct in presuming that Lerbon more than anyone should know the only way to stop a active shooter is to step aside and have Kevin Love defend him.
Ten Things I Know I Know
1. Happy Presdents Day to all the Presidents out there who read this column (not you Jeb). This might be controveral, but you have to think that Presdents Day is on the Mount Rushmore of things that honor Presdents, right behind the actual Mt. Rushmore and the fact that they get to be put on cash so that people can use there faces to buy all the stuff that they spent there Presidency making illegal. Thought experment: Can you imagine if AC Green quit basketball to be a seed investor in backpage dot com, or George Wallace retired from politics and became the NBA logo? Didnt think so. Time to put crimnals faces on money instead.
2. According to USA Today, Norway is so good at Winter Olypics because of socialism. A true socialist olympics would set reords since everyone would get a trophy in each event. And you know what? I can see where there coming from especially in this skiing events you can see why its important to have the whole weight of your goverments behind you all they have to do is put a sign saying communism at the bottom since its literaly a slipipery slope. And besides that its more of a rebuke of the US polticians since we all know Mike Pence woud never support a bi-athlete
3. AJ McCarron is goign to be the runner up in the upcoming Free Agent QB beauty pageant, which is ironic because “miss, congenaltity” are the two words Id use to describe Kirk Cousins accuracy and his demeanor. He won a grievance against the Bengals for trying to trade him to the Browns so its basically attempted murder and now he gets to figure out which of the much better historicaly competent franchises like the Jets, Cardinals, and Bills hed like to go to. Me personally I dont trust quarterbacks whose first names are initials, what are they trying to hide? If I wanted a player who has two periods I would of signed Mark Sanchezes girlfriend.
4. Devin McCourtey- the half of the McCourtey twins that sucked all of the clutch genes away from his brother while they were in utero- spoke with Ryan Dunleavy of NJ.com about his teams decison to bench Malcom Butler, saying it came earlier in the week then Butler had led on. This is the part of the Patriot way where everyone has to turn there back on him like when Paulie rebuked Ray Liotta in Goodfellas. If true, this would be the fastest a player has gotten bad in the history of sports and gone from starting every play during the season to being the 8th best player at his positon on the team. The Patriots have gotten more use to cutting corners then drafting them recently, but maybe Belchick is taking a page from that epsode of Fresh Prince where they let Jeffery walk out the door and he eventually comes back because he loves Will Smith so much. Let the Butler leave & realize how good he had it.
5. Peter King beleves that New York will draft Josh “T’Allen second overall and I think this makes alot of sense, since he’s literaly a giant. People forget he’s tall. Many people point to his lackluster completion percentage but what Allen lacks in accuracy he makes up for in looking like hed have good accuracy. Meanwhile Bill Polian pointed out this morning that Lamar Jackson is to short to be a successful NFL QB since he’s only six foot three so maybe Jackson has a alternate career as a jockey or stunt double for Kevin Hart. Bill Polian, who’s career claims to fame include not drafting Ryan Leaf and not drafting Doug Flutie has also put noted towering monster Baker Mayfield graded as a first round pick.
6. WKU Coach Mike Sanford is a football guy:
If thats how your going to take care of your football son then how are you going to take care of your date. Lacksadaisical ball securty can tell you alot about a young man. For example I never fumbled and I also hold my high school record for fewest unwanted pregnencys (tied).
7. While the rest of the world is fawning over him, Id just like to point out that Lebron James took money out of Steph Currys charities mouth by beating him in the All Star game and winning MVP. The real MVP should of been Draymond Green for making it through the entire national anthem without accdentally kicking Fergie in the groin. I call this guy Vraimont Green because hes the truth.
8. Speaking of things with big legs RIP in peace to JNCO jeans who are hanging up their sewing machines to focus full time on making sleeves for Sam Bradford. Along with Fush Yu Mang by Smash Mouth, the swish-swish of giant JNCO legs were the soundtrack to millons of kids not getting laid, and I think I figured out the fatal flaw- the pockets were too big so girls coudnt tell if you had a pack of cigarettes in them. I also think one of the big issues with JNCOs is that they made you look TOO cool. There was more room signifying maybe you needed them for your huge weiner and evoluntarily you were able to shoplift more Rob Zombie tshirts from Hot Topic then anyone else.
The other main problem with JNCOs is that not alot of folks were out there buying two or three pairs of them. Having a multiple pairs of JNCOs is like only eating ice cream or only drinking champagne. You had one pair you saved for specal occaisions or funerals. Plus they were so high qualty that they never wore out no matter how many times you masturbated in the library in them.
9. How come we celbrate Larry Nance Jr for following in his Dads footsteps in the dunk contest but make fun of George Bush for starting a War in Iraq? Lets show a little bit of consistency here folks.
10. Tim Tebow is back in the minor leagues folk’s Johnny Manzell could learn alot from him about how to humble himself in AA. The Mets GM Sandy Alderson took time out of his busy schedule of perpetualy dipping his face into a tiny thimble of water on someones desk to say that he thinks Tebow will make it to the major leagues eventualy. I dont know why were all suprised by this, if you spend enough time playing baseball the Mets will eventually give you a chance at some point they cant afford to be picky. There are a couple reasons why Im all aboard the Tebow train- On one hand I can see why this could be a marketing boon but on the other they’ve been trying to sell ticket’s by having woefully unprepared players for the last 30 years and it hasnt realy worked. My suggeston would be a simple one- do horizontal pinstripes instead. People love fat ball players, and you cant be mad at a guy who look’s like a Russian nesting doll of the entire Huckabee family.