Despite Social Pressures, I Will Never Get A Moob Job (Man Boob Job)


Over the years, my tits have gone astray. When I was a young gentleman, my tits were prime. I’m talkin Amazon tits. Perky. Built. Firm. Strong. Now, my tits swing low like an Ichiro Suzuki special. Sure, I hate it but it’s part of life.

I’m not gonna surgically alter the breasts that god gave me because someone tweets me, “your tits look like a garbage bag filled with pancake batter,” or “your boobs look like a baker’s frosting bag with the smallest tips in the world.” The last one appears to be both a shot at my breasts and my nipples. I’m very sensitive about my nipples (both the size and color).

So before everyone starts asking me, no. No I will not be taking a few weeks off to get my breasts lifted to my chin. I’m sorry if you cant deal with that. It’s my body and I like it just the way that it is. (not really. I need to hit the gym. I’ve really let myself go. It’s really noticeable in my chest and belly. My chest is really saggy which I hate. I saw a tweet earlier about something called a moob job. Maybe I should look into that. Seems like a good deal but is it affordable? Impossible to know for sure.)