Mets Manager Mickey Callaway Says "Dry Humping Guys Is Something I Feel Very Strongly About"
“Dry humping guys is something I feel very strongly about”
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2006 Mets slogan: The Team. The Time. The Mets.
2007: Your Season Has Come.
2018: NO DRY HUMPING.
Mickey Callaway has arrived in New York with authority. He’s flooded every chick’s basement with that salt and pepper beard and his rugged good looks. He’s sparked hope amongst the fan base and amongst the pitching staff after seeing what he did with Cleveland’s rotation. And now we know he feels VERY strongly about dry humping guys. We’ve unlocked the key to the Mets bullpen woes…stop fuckin dry humping them. Stop the blue balls. Stop the chafing and the friction! NO DRY HUMPING 2k18! Doesnt matter whether you’re:
A) in 9th grade hoping for some full on sex or a blow job (or even just a formal handjob) and instead you get nothing but the entire body weight of a girl smashing her pelvis right into your penis, grinding denim and buttons and zippers until your dickhead looks like Rudolph’s nose.
– OR –
B) if you’re Major League ball player and you think you’re gonna go in during the 6th inning and you start warming up and then sit down, and then you start warming up and then sit down, and you never end up going in until the bottom of the 8th and you’ve wasted your arm and completely blown your whole routine.
Either way, Dry Humping is a sure fire way to fail.
So sure, the Mets have some enormous problems to address. A TON of questions marks with injury concerns. Concerns with both age and with youth. Some major positions lacking true talent. But one thing we KNOW we can address is the dry humping. One thing Mickey Callaway can control from day 1 until he inevitably is unceremoniously fired several years from now, is the dry humping. The Wilpons will always loom over Flushing. Alderson will always try to nickel and dime his way to 80 something wins. But we can guarandamntee that every reliever’s dick will be rock hard and ready to go for the real deal. No test runs. No false alarms. We’re talkin about dicks blasting off for real.
Your 2018 New York Mets: No Dry Humping.