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The Big Baller Brand Getting Into The Bottled Water Business Is LaVar Ball's Latest Stroke Of Genius

(Source)- Recently, the Big Baller announced a partnership with Lithuanian water company Birstonas Mineral Water in which the all-natural bottled water company will be distributed in the U.S. with the Big Baller Brand label attached to it. This move, just like the many moves he’s already made, will be unprecedented as no current athlete has dared to step into the deep waters of the bottled water industry.

While speaking with Lithuanian site LaVar had this to say, “Which NBA player is advertising water? No one,” said LaVar. “Everyone in the US is for some reason too proud for water campaigns. There are energy drinks that get advertised, but no one even thought about water.”

While most athletes endorse companies such as Gatorade and Powerade, the only superstar currently associated with anything close to water is Golden State Warriors point guard, Steph Curry, who is endorsing Brita, who specializes in water filters.

I guess LaVar sending his two youngest sons over to Lithuania to dominate the Euroleagues is starting a little more sense to all the haters now, huh? Everyone that was crying their dicks off about whether LaMelo and LiAngelo would rather spend their winters in Lithuania than Los Angeles didn’t realize that LaVar always has his eye on the prize. LaVar isn’t in the basketball player making business. He is in the empire business. And empires aren’t built on jumpshots and defense. They are built on cold hard cash.

As of 2017, the sales for bottled water is well over 7 billion dollars for U.S. brands.

So a billion dollar industry that is built on bottling stuff that literally falls from the sky on a daily basis is basically untapped when it comes to NBA players? The Loud Littlefinger of Lithuania strikes again! All LaVar needed to do was find a way to get to that *Gus Johnson voice* puuuuuuure Lithuanian water, the best drinking water on the entire planet (probably). So LaVar did what he does best. Caused some chaos and continue to climb up the ladder of power.

First LaVar pulled the purest scorer in the country out of high school and everyone lost their mind about his parenting methods. Then the least entertaining Ball got caught stealing sunglasses in China, caused another huge controversy that made him relevant, had LaVar battling with the President of the United fucking States through the media, and Gelo left UCLA where he wasn’t going to do shit anyway. And then LaVar ushered his kids to an Eastern European country in a move that had everybody clowning him until they started getting buckets and LaVar started winning games as a coach and creating new businesses out of thin air.

How many times does LaVar Ball have to win before people will realize he doesn’t lose? Now the Big Baller Brand has a bottled water business as major cities like Cape Town are literally running out of drinking water (even though I still don’t understand how that’s possible). $50 or whatever LaVar will charge for a bottle of BBB water may seem like a lot of money now. But what about when every major city on Earth runs out of drinkable water? Has anybody even read or watched The Big Short outside of Big Cat? The guy that predicted the entire collapse of the housing market got into one industry after the book/movie were made: H2O.


Supply and demand is Business 101. Water is one of the five needs of living things. There is no such thing as bad publicity. And ball is life. LaVar is teaching a whole curriculum of college courses as he continues to stack chips behind the guise of simply being a dad of three kids that are good at basketball.

And to all the small ballers that will say nobody will buy BBB water, let me respond with a good old fashioned “Shut up”. People don’t buy water because of the way it tastes. They buy it due to brand recognition and loyalty. Visiting the glorious Poland Spring is on my bucket list just because I love the way those majestic trees look on that bottle. I’d take a bullet for Poland Spring. Other people probably feel the same way about Dasani, Aquafina, or whatever brand they group up on. And then you have your bougie brands like Voss and Fiji that people will spend extra money on to feel fancy even though it all probably comes from the lake in some foreign dude’s backyard.

But trust me, as someone that has visited a Baltic country, the water in that region is just better than anywhere else. It doesn’t matter if it’s fresh drinking water or the glorious salt water of the Baltic Sea. The magical feeling you get as that water washes over your face and into your mouth is indescribable.

You throw a BBB logo on that water and not only do you have the greatest water on Earth, but you also the hottest premium designer label in sports fashion. And once that happens, you can pretty much name your own price. Which I’m sure LaVar will do like he always does. Game, set, match. BBB.

…Or LaVar is just going to bottle the water from the glorified high school gym where Melo and Gelo play and mark it up 8 billion percent. Regardless, to all of the corporations that have a stake in Big Water, I have seven words for you: