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Rob Parker Puts '100%' of the Blame on Tom Brady

Q: What percentage of the blame goes to Brady? And what percentage goes to Belichick for Sunday’s loss?

Rob Parker: 100% to Tom Brady. For the first time, New England Patriots fans and I agree. Tom Brady was the goat in this Super Bowl. And I’m not talking about the greatest of all time. Just the goat, G-O-A-T, who made the big blunder that cost him the game. …

Tom Brady had a couple of wobblers, couple of pop-ups, with nobody around the defenders. That’s what Tom Brady cashed in on. And the other thing, when people talk about Tom Brady being a goat, did you watch him try to catch that pass that was thrown to him? He looked like a middle-aged man with a spare tire, and his four-year-old son was throwing the ball to him. And he had no chance to get it. …

And you can’t have it both ways. I’m tired of hearing people say, well, if Tom Brady would have won, the debate is over. He’s the greatest of all time, end of discussion. But if he loses– he’s still the greatest. No he’s not. And he lost, Skip, to a backup quarterback. Tom Brady lost to Eli twice, a backup quarterback. It’s not about going to the Super Bowl. It’s about winning. And Tom Brady lost this game. He’s 100% to blame. And you know what? I’m still on a high.

Q: So the other five times winning, that doesn’t matter?

Parker: No. And you know what? Let me see. Do the math. It’s basically 500 now.

Thank you, FS1. Thank you, Undisputed. Thank you, Rob Parker. Granted more people will hear you comments reading this blog than did on your atrocious, unwatchable show. In fact, if I play this clip on my phone in the middle of the mall at 10am, it’ll reach a broader audience of mallwalkers than you get on a daily basis. But that doesn’t mean I don’t owe you a debt.

This is just what I need to get past the existential crisis of a Patriots Super Bowl loss. Of watching them squander one of the most heroic performances by a quarterback ever with the same defense employed by Alderaan. This is exactly the slap in the face, kick in the dick, wake up call I need to snap me out of the funk of an excruciatingly close call like Sunday night.

Like I’ve said a million times, when your side wins you get to say and do whatever you want. Calling your opponents chokers. Anti-Jeter signs on Duckboats. Putting 283 diamonds in your ring. Eating horseshit off the street. Name it, it’s yours. To the victor go the spoils. You even get to say that 100 percent of the fault lies with the quarterback who threw for 505 yards with 3 TDs, 0 INTs and a passer rating of 115. You get to do math like 5-3 (winning pct .625) is .500. And call Eli Manning (216 career starts, 1 benching the world lost its fucking mind over) a “backup quarterback.”

I wouldn’t have it another way. Not only do I not try to avoid hearing this stuff, I seek it out. It fuels me. It’s bourbon for my soul. It is to me what a health pack is in a FPS game. It restores me to full strength. If it were up to me, every one of those 16 percent of Americans who were pulling for the Patriots would be forced to watch this with their eyes held open, A Clockwork Orange-style so they fully understand what the struggle is about. To know that this isn’t just a football team I happen to be emotionally, professionally and financially invested it. It’s a cause. A social movement. Watching asswipes like Rob Parker bathe in the Patriots’ blood just makes me all the more defiant. More resolute. Even more undeterred than I’ve ever been. It’s a reminder that there is no American cultural institution I’d rather be more associated with than the five time (and counting) Super Bowl champion Patriots that have the Rob Parkers spewing such nonsense. And no fan base I’d rather be a part of.

So please, I beg of you, keep yapping everyone. I was away for a couple of days but now I’m back to full mental and emotional health. 100 percent.