The Fact Ellen Makes $75 Million/Year And Still Does Chores Makes Me Irrationally Angry

Nate2/06/2018 10:12 PM

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Page Six - Ellen DeGeneres is the queen of both comedy and cleaning.

The TV host, who just celebrated her 60th birthday, said on Tuesday’s “Ellen DeGeneres Show” that she loves vacuuming and doing her own dishes.

“Washing and drying dishes, I like to do it by hand, and I love vacuuming,” DeGeneres told her audience and guest Michael B. Jordan. “There’s something really, to me, comforting about vacuuming.”

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I know it’s late in the day on the East Coast. Shout out to my West Coast homies still killing it though. I always think about our ever-expanding west coast readership. Like, we used to be so primarily east coast heavy because of the city-based structure of the website. We’re now seeing steady growth outside of the Eastern seaboard, but I would venture to say our heat map would still come up heavy with red in the Northeast, and not so heavy as you move south and westward. So if you are in the west, hi friends, I love you, I am jealous of your lifestyle and quality of life, and I aspire to get out of this hell hole that is NYC and live out there where happiness isn’t just a fairy tale like the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny.

Which leads me to god damn Ellen.

I like Ellen. I find her just delightful.

But still doing chores when you’re earning $75 million a year and worth $360 million (seems low) is just a slap in the face. I mean she’s getting that Finding Nemo money, the Finding Dory money, she owns her show, a digital media production company, and probably so much more shit that just puts mid 6 figs into her bank account daily. And she is out there saying she still “does her own dishes”? Get outta my face with that. What even is the point of being rich if you’re going to be hand washing your dishes? Get a maid. Get 3 maids. Get so many maids you’re like Emily Gilmore (shout out to my Gilmore Girl fans) and don’t even know the name of your maids.

I get it. She wants to stay down to earth like the common folk. Doing her own chores keeps her humble. But guess what? It’s hard to stay humble when you’re stuntin on the jumbotron. Meaning doing her dishes and vacuuming means nothing when you have $75 million in the bank and can fly your own private plane to a country, plant a flag with your own face on it, and declare that country to be yours.

“Oh but she dries her dishes with a towel!”