Mini Ice Cream Cones Are Infuriating

Look at this shit, man. LOOK AT IT! Look at that little fucking piece of shit cone. Damn it. My friends, I’m trying to drop a few pounds off the ole belly. I feel chubby and out of shape. I lose my breath when performing tasks, and my pants fit aloof. Not good. Actually bad. Because of all of those things, we have shifted to mini treats in my home. Mini treats are, lest we forget, smaller portions of regular treats.

After my kids have gone to bed, I like to unwrap an ice cream cone and enjoy that bad boy while I watch some tv. Sometimes I have two. That’s true. And yes, like you, I enjoy the last bite of the cone the most. That little chunk of chocolate at the bottom of the cone is just something special. When there’s caramel inside that chocolate chunk, be still my heart.

It’s just not the same with a mini cone. With a mini cone, it’s not even enough to wet your whistle with delight. Your heart aches for more. You long for more.

“But Chaps, couldn’t you eat multiple mini cones?”

Of course I can. I have a Costco membership. That’s not even the point.

“Because of the calories, right? You eat multiple and that defeats the purpose.”

No, god damn it. It’s not even about that. Let me talk. Please.

It’s about the crescendo. It’s about building to the final point in the ice cream symphony.

“A musical reference? Never been a big music terms guy so I don’t know what the crescendo is. Sorry if this offends.”

You’re breaking up the story but I’m here to help. Here’s a video that explains it.

Anyway, when you don’t eat enough ice cream top, cone, and toppings… getting to the final portion of the cone doesn’t feel right. It feels like you missed some beats or musical movements. Is looking svelte in pants worth all that? No. That being said, the process of making ice cream cones is still worth the watch. Enjoy.