I Will Own a Self-Driving Car Even If Uber Tries To Stop Me

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CEI - Beleaguered ridesourcing giant Uber has been criticized for a wide variety of sins, both real and imagined. But their biggest sin yet may be what they apparently want to do to the public in the future: force everybody to use Uber’s service by outlawing private automobiles.

Uber has signed onto a document called “Shared Mobility Principles for Sustainable Cities”.

Most of the principles are fact-free platitudes about “livability,” “zero emissions,” and “sustainability,” which is typical politician-speak for increasing mass transit subsidies and painting bike lanes on city streets while neglecting maintenance. So, they basically call for upholding the status quo in urban transportation politics.

But where it really goes off the rails is with its final principle:


Uber, Lyft, ZipCar and others propose outlawing personally owned self-driving cars in central cities, leaving the entire urban core market for automated road vehicles in the hands of corporate fleet owners, as Uber, Lyft, and ZipCar all imagine they will be in the coming years. Uber sees the competition of the future—and it’s you.


Uber wants a fight, eh? I will fight Uber. I give these people at Uber so much of my money. When it’s late or cold or I’m just feeling lazy, I take an Uber back to Hoboken from the City. Weekly. And not to mention on weekends when I want to get to and from the city when I’m drunk- straight to Uber. And you know how much those bad boys cost? Minimum $40 each trip. I give that company so much god damn money it’s absurd.

And you know what they do in return? Shit like this:


And now they are just trying to outlaw self-driving cars for their own benefit?


Self-driving cars are the future. I love the future. Remember about 10 years ago when they made everyone adapt to the current type of TV and if you had the old type you were fucked? That’s what we eventually will do with self-driving cars. It makes, I don’t know….A BILLION % MORE SENSE to have cars driving for us. Everyone sucks at driving. You might think you’re good at driving, but you stink just like everyone else.

We let anyone behind the wheel. Almost literally anyone. Think about it- 16 year olds can drive along side you and I. Think about how dumb everyone you know is, and now think about those people at 16 years old with a cell phone in their hand. We let them drive.

Think about how your grandma can’t figure out which button turns on the TV and how she calls you 7 different names before she finally figures out who you are. We let her drive.

Think about people who make a Twitter account so they can anonymously yell racist things at high school kids who don’t commit to the college they support. We let them drive.

Self-driving cars can’t come quick enough. And I’ll be motherfucked if I let UBER and LYFT stop me from getting one. The future will happen, with or without them. We went from horses to cars, and we will do it again. People thought the Internet was a fad. People used to carry around change to use pay phones. So fuck off Uber, we aren’t driving around ourselves for the rest of time, it’s just not how the world works. Bitch.