We Have A Picture Of The Suspect (Scumbag) That May Have Stolen Red Panda's Unicycle

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KTVU- Someone took off with a 7-foot unicycle from the woman behind the legendary “Red Panda Acrobat” at San Francisco International Airport, and now her agent is offering a $2,000 reward, no questions asked. On Wednesday, at KTVU’s request, the San Francisco Police Airport Division released surveillance photos of a man with a red ponytail and beard who walked into the terminal three baggage claim on Jan. 24 and took a black roller suitcase containing the unicycle from carousel number five. The pictures show him in Skechers, wheeling a black bag and a suitcase away on a cart. The unicycle is worth $25,000.

I guess the beet industry must be really struggling if Cousin Mose farmer boy ass is flying out to the Bay Area to steal a fucking unicycle. I hope the good people of Oakland are as upset about this as everyone else on the planet is. Oakland is definitely in the Top 3 of places I wouldn’t want the residents hunting my ass down. I guarantee if someone tells Marshawn Lynch that this bearded fuck took Red Panda’s unicycle, we will have the unicycle back in Red Panda’s hands and this dude’s head on a spike within 48 hours. I bet Beast Mode loves Red Panda’s performances. In fact, if/when Mrs. Panda’s unicycle is found, we need to get a video of Marshawn watching and reacting to Red Panda. Pure joy all around. Humanity has had some pretty dark days recently. That video would be nice for a happy ending to come out of all of this.

UPDATE: I just published this blog on the site and lets just say the order in which everything went up is extremely problematic.