CNBC Proves That as Tom Brady Goes, So Goes Our Nation's Economy

ICE to Buy NYSE for $8.2 Billion as Equity Trading Loses Volume to FuturesBrady rings

CNBCWhen considering the markets’ fundamentals, investors need not look at earnings, interest rates, the economy or central banks’ liquidity any longer. In fact, these are factors we haven’t needed to focus on since the beginning of the millennium. Over the past 18 years, there has only been one fool-proof indicator of the markets’ direction, and that is Tom Brady.

That’s right — even those who root against the New England Patriots should be rooting for the team’s quarterback, as his performance has directly coincided with the markets’ movement. Here are some factors to consider.

Since Brady entered the National Football League, there have only been two years in which he played in one game only: 2000 and 2008, which of course stand out as two of the worst years for the U.S. stock market in decades. The S&P 500 declined 10 percent in 2000 and 36 percent in 2008.

On top of this, he missed one game in 2001, which was another terrible year for stocks; the S&P 500 declined 13 percent that year. Even in 2016, the stock market began a 3 percent decline when Brady began a four-game suspension. However, ever since that suspension ended, we have not had a pullback of any kind! Suffice to say, the market has been on a pretty steady — and at this point, historic — upward climb.

In fact, we’d point out that since Brady began his career, near the top of the market in 2000, the S&P 500 has rallied nearly 100 percent. However, if you sold the S&P 500 when he was on the bench or at home, and then bought it back when he played, you made a whopping 425 percent. … Therefore, if investors want to simplify their decision-making process, all they really have to do is follow who I consider to be the greatest quarterback of all time.

I don’t claim to know a lot about the market. Virtually everything I do know about finance I learned from Margot Robbie in a bubble bath:

But they do have CNBC on in the locker room at the gym most mornings. And that’s the network that just valued the website that pays my bills a $100 million, so their business acumen is above reproach.

With that as preamble, while I might not understand stocks, I am the world’s foremost authority on Tom Brady. And therefore I can confirm CNBC’s hypothesis that what is good for Tom Brady is good for America. When Brady is hurt or suspended by a despot mad with power, the country suffers. When he does well, the nation prospers. The economy expands. Jobs are created. Businesses invest. Confidence is up. The dollar is strong. Trade deficits decline. Unemployment is down. The Consumer Price Index is doing whatever it’s supposed to do. And other things that sound really investy use a lot of business terms that people who wear ties to work use to indicate things are positive.

So go ahead. Hate Tom Brady. Hope he doesn’t win his sixth ring. Root for the Eagles if you must. But just be ready to explain to your fellow Americans why you want to see them lose their jobs. Watch their life’s savings evaporate. Default on their mortgages and have them and their kids thrown out into the street. In short, you’re either with Tom Brady and the Patriots, or you’re with the enemies of the United States of America. The choice is yours.

Go Tom Brady Index. Go America. Go Patriots. Mic drop.

Brady mic drop