I Hit My Head On A Pole So Hard

Earlier today, I was walking home, and before you knew it I was concussed on the streets of New York City buying Swiffers. You’re probably wondering how that happened. Well let me tell ya.

I’d just left Grand Central Station, I was looking down at my phone, headphones blaring, and POW! I hit my head on a pole. It was a scaffolding pole, and if you’re not from NYC, you may not understand how I could be so stupid as to walk into one of them. Basically, they look like this:

…and you can walk through them in these spaces:

…but you CANNOT walk through them in these spaces:

…and that’s exactly what I tried to do. Diagonal pole, meet my stupid fuckin’ head.

Advertisement

The impact was so hard that my in-ear headphones were legitimately knocked out of both ears, I bit the shit out of my tongue, and onlookers audibly gasped. I think somebody asked me if I was alright but I was so embarrassed I just kept walking – stumbling, rather – home, pretending that didn’t happen IMMEDIATELY after it did. On my way, I had some grocery shopping to do, and Swiffer pads were on my list. I hit up Duane Reade, got what I needed (Goldfish, Cheez-Its, Sour Patch Kids, Sweetarts Ropes, Orange Milanos, and Swiffer pads, can you tell that I’m a child?) and went home to ice up my head. When I ripped open the Swiffer pads I realized I accidentally bought a whole ‘nother Swiffer so now I’m just a fucking idiot with two Swiffers in an apartment with a 5 foot radius. Probably due to the fact that I concussed myself on that pole! Who needs TWO Swiffers? Not me!

Anyway, yeah, hit my head. Have a good night.