As You'd Expect, Special Forces In Indonesia Demonstrate Eating Live Snakes For Secretary Mattis

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I’m sure as shit glad that raw snake eating/blood drinking wasnt a requirement to graduate Marine Corps boot camp. Don’t get me wrong, I love the taste of snake meat in the morning. But drinking the blood? No thank you! Blood is high in iron. I already have unnaturally high iron content in my body. I think that’s why my dandruff really takes off from time to time. Sure, I use a shampoo that is supposed to target the flakes but that never really works the way that you want to. You think you have your dandruff under control and then, bam! Flake city. The Ph balance is so vital in controlling dandruff. Add in a little raw snake’s blood and you are asking for your shoulders to be an absolute mess. Embarrassing! So while impressive that these Indonesian fellas ate some live snakes, I think I would have passed.

Side note: What the fuck goes through your head when you’re General Mattis in this situation? You gotta look at these people like you are impressed with their skill at eating the snakes, but you’re also the most read war historian on the face of the planet, so you know that snake eating does not equal being swift, silent and deadly. As the old saying goes, “Be polite. Be professional. Have a plan to eat any snake you meet.”