Fine Gentleman On Craigslist Requests A Lovely Lady To Escort Him To The NFC Championship

Screen Shot 2018-01-18 at 1.55.45 PM

Did you see that? He’ll get back to who he likes the most. What a Casanova! Never thought I’d wish I was a middle aged woman with nothing to lose, yet here we are. And they say chivalry is dead. Can’t hate on a man for knowing what he wants and throwing it out there. Not too sure why 39-45 is his ideal age range, but to each their own. Props for knowing what he wants and going to get it, for crying out loud.

There should be a free, pre-recorded APB comes with the ticket. There’s no way this doesn’t result in a missing person’s case. Naturally, I sent over an application. I’m too masculine to pass for a divorcee looking for a free night out at the NFC Championship, so we had to make adjustments. It’s for the Birds, dammit. You do what you gotta do to survive.

Screen Shot 2018-01-18 at 3.53.45 PM

I may look young, but my best friend is 41. I’ve been trained to be submissive to the elderly on command. Also, my soft, delicate features and gentle hands shaped from years of massaging pizza dough will provide you with the upmost enjoyable experience.

Yours Truly,


Shooters shoot.