Amazon Announced The 20 Finalist Cities In The Running To Be The Home For Amazon HQ2

NBC- The race to become the next site of Amazon’s second headquarters narrowed considerably Thursday as the internet giant released its short list of 20 possible contenders. More than 230 cities had applied to become the future location of the internet giant’s “HQ2,” dangling tax incentives and other goodies in order to lure what they hoped would be an economic boom for their hometown.

Direct jobs, job creation from support industries, increased tax receipts and prestige were all on the line. The company had said it would invest $5 billion to create its new headquarters and would create 50,000 “high-paying jobs” within 10 to 15 years of its opening.

Amazon said in its announcement Thursday that it will now work with the candidate locations to examine their proposals more closely and request additional information to “evaluate the feasibility of a future partnership that can accommodate our hiring plans as well as benefit our employees and the local community.” Amazon said it would make its final decision later in 2018.

So today we learned that even worldwide titans of internet industry can fall victim to picking nothing but the favorites. There is no underdog story. No joy in Mudville. Amazon CEO and future Emperor Of Earth Jeff Bezos went with nothing but chalk when trimming from 230 cities to 20. There is not one true mid major in the bunch. Yeah Newark is kinda trash, but they have been making a living riding those NYC coat tails. Then again, I guess it’s hard for small cities to compete with the heavy hitters that are dropping bombs like this.

Cities did their best to make a good impression on their potential future corporate citizen. Outside Denver, a billboard announced “Denver loves Amazon!”

Game, set, match. If Denver really wanted to run up the score, they could have had John Elway give Bezos a jersey with the Amazon on the back and the number 2.

I personally always thought that Amazon should set up shop in a remote part of the U.S., preferably on a coast or an island. That way, if/when Amazon’s GDP is higher than the rest of the United States’ combine, they could easily break away and set up their own country. I don’t see Bezos (who will likely only be a human head living on top of a robot body powered by Alexa™) taking over the rest of the world while landlocked in the middle of one of the countries he is trying to conquer. History has told us that you can’t win a 2 front war, let alone a 360 degree front war.

The only thing that prevents me from believing that Amazon has everything figured out and will rule us all in the foreseeable future is the fact that New York is even on this list. Yeah it’s the capital of the world and I’m sure that having Amazon within the city limits would be great financially and all that stuff. But can you imagine the chaos that would ensue with the increase in people and shipments that come with an Amazon HQ? This city is already expensive as hell and packed to the gills as is. Adding thousands of people, as well as God knows how many IPS trucks from Queens on the roads delivering those glorious brown boxes, is only going to make everything that much more of a disaster. Amazon better be building like 5 new bridges along with their new headquarters or else we are all fucked. And that headquarters they are going to build is going to STINK compared to anywhere else. Look at MetLife Stadium compared to Jerruh’s World as an example. Or look at Barstool HQ vs. Heartland HQ. One place has already had to buy a 2nd floor, still has seating issues, and the garbages are always full to the brim. The other place has an indoor basketball court, a radio studio, and still space for days. I’m actually record saying that I’m scared to ever visit Heartland because I will not want to ever step foot in the NYC HQ again.

Which is why I am going to pick Indianapolis as the spot that wins the bid for HQ2. I’ve heard nothing but great things about the city whenever a big sporting event takes place there and I imagine those things will only get better once Pat McAfee realizes he should run for mayor of Indy before winning in a landslide. Add in the fact that Barstool Heartland is based there and the city would be eligible for the good luck bump that comes along with Dave Portnoy’s deal with the devil. If anyone knows where I can bet on where Amazon HQ2 ends up, please let me know. I have my daughter’s college tuition fund and I am looking to upgrade her ceiling from a state school with one announcement from Jeff Bezos.