Liam Neeson Has Incredibly Bad Luck When It Comes To Traveling!

***This blog will feature VERY mild spoilers for ‘The Commuter’***

Welcome back to Rob’s Monday Morning Movie Review, 2018 edition! I’m really excited about this year as far as movie content goes, I have a ton of fun shit planned for you guys (and an announcement towards the end of the blog), but we should of course get into what started it all…the 10am movie review to begin the week! This week I saw ‘The Commuter’ starring Liam Neeson, which features him searching for someone on a moving train that doesn’t belong. He’s determined to find said person, even if that means guns will be drawn and blood will be shed. This is not to be confused with the 2014 classic, ‘Non-Stop’, which is the exact same movie but taking place on a plane and not a train.

Insurance salesman Michael is on his daily commute home, which quickly becomes anything but routine. After being contacted by a mysterious stranger, Michael is forced to uncover the identity of a hidden passenger on the train before the last stop. As he works against the clock to solve the puzzle, he realizes a deadly plan is unfolding, and he is unwittingly caught up in a criminal conspiracy that carries life and death stakes for everyone on the train.

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Now I went to see ‘The Commuter’ at 3:25pm yesterday afternoon, and was absolutely shocked when I arrived at the theater and saw there wasn’t a single seat available for that showing. “That must be a mistake”, I thought. I selected seat B3, which isn’t a seat at all, it’s a space for a wheelchair, and just sat in the seat next to it. I was terrified that somebody would arrive late and inform me that I was sitting in their seat, because there’s nothing worse than finding a teenager in your assigned seat at the movies, but I was taking that chance because I did NOT want to have to stand throughout a two hour Liam Neeson train movie.

Obviously, somebody arrived late and informed me that I was sitting in their seat, and I wound up standing on the side of the theater throughout the two hour Liam Neeson train movie. Seriously. This was my view…

So, the movie, as you would expect, was pretty bad. I wouldn’t call it “laughably bad” despite some of the cheesy dialogue making me laugh out loud two or three times when it wasn’t supposed to, but it was schlocky, blockbustery bad, you know? For example, a lot of the dialogue sounded like it was written by whoever writes the lines for the goons and henchmen in Batman cartoons. The guys that just stand around and say shit like “I ain’t ‘fraid of no BAT!” in over-exaggerated Brooklyn accents seconds before Batman beats the shit out of them. The story itself was anything but original, a little too convoluted at times, and predictable every step of the way. It’s basically the product of adding up ‘Source Code’, ‘Die Hard With A Vengeance’, ‘Speed’, ‘The Taking Of Pelham 1-2-3′, ’12 Rounds’, ‘Non-Stop’, and ‘Taken’, but you know what? The product all of that equates to is kiiiinda enjoyable. It’s a C+/B- thriller/mystery slightly enhanced by the lead, and it almost feels like a movie that’s screenplay was written in the late 90s that just got picked up and made with no adjustments. There’s a weirdly prevalent use of CGI, a crazy over the top crash sequence, a dolly zoom as corny as they come, and characters so generic they could all be on “Guess Who?” cards, and all of that just sat okay with me. I never really minded standing up for those two hours, and that’s a pretty decent compliment.

I’ll admit I’ve got Liam Neeson bias, as he’s a Star Wars guy, a Batman guy, AND one of the greatest action heroes of this generation as Bryan Mills, but don’t we all have a little Liam Neeson bias? Isn’t it just a little bit endearing that he’s played an ex-cop/military/army/special agent who endures travel mishap in every movie he’s been in since I was born? It is to me at least! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling anyone to go out and see ‘The Commuter’ in theaters. I’d recommend against that unless you’ve got MoviePass, a ton of time, and a SERIOUS urge to check it out. It’s like a 4 or 5 out of 10. What I am saying is, in a few months, when this inevitably winds up on FX at 3am…throw it on. You’ll know within fifteen minutes of watching it whether you wanna stick with it or not, but just keep in mind that Liam Neeson eventually fights somebody using an electric guitar like it’s a lightsaber, and it’s absolutely electric. Also keep in mind that no matter how bad you think the commute in this flick is, a routine commute into New York City on NJ Transit will always be much, much worse. I’m excited for the next movie in the Liam Neeson-Trying-To-Get-From-Point-A-To-Point-B-Universe.

As for the announcement I promised towards the start of this blog, here you go: I’ll be making my return to ‘Lights, Camera, Podcast’ next week, where we’ll be reviewing this film (going a bit more in-depth than I did here) and revealing my top ten movies of 2017 with Jeff Lowe, Trill Ballins, and KenJac! Make sure to check that out NEXT week!

Thanks folks. See you next week, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel, for a review of either ’12 Strong’ or ‘Den of Thieves’ depending on which one you guys vote me to go see.