How Hockey Is Going To Save The World: South Korea Offers To Combine Hockey Teams With North Korea At The Olympics
Independent – South Korea is looking into the possibility of a shared women’s ice hockey team with North Korea at the 2018 Winter Olympics after talks between the two nations this week…During the talks, which are the first to take place between the North and South in more than two years, South Korea’s second vice-minister for tradition, sports activities and tourism brought up the possibility of combining the women’s ice hockey team.
An offer has also been made by the South to have both countries’ athletes walk into the Opening Ceremony together under a unified flag, although like the ice hockey proposal, a resolution has not yet been reached.
I’ll be honest. I’m a little disappointed this looks like it’ll just be for the women’s North and South Korea teams at the Olympics instead of the men as well. That’s not a misogynistic thing or anything. It’s just that ever since I heard that North Korea will be sending some athletes to Pyeongchang next month, all I’ve been thinking about is seeing Kim Jong-un lace ‘em up for the Winter Games. I don’t think North Korea has a men’s hockey team in the tournament so without being able to combine with South Korea, Korean Gretzky doesn’t have a shot at playing in the tournament.
Regardless, I think I have to start writing the movie about this now. North and South Korea have been at war for roughly 75 thousand years. The two nations live in a constant stage of turmoil. I feel like if you live in South Korea, you have to walk around every damn day with shit in your pants because you have no idea if Best Korea is going to launch a nuke your way for lunch. Whether or not that nuke would actually make it to South Korea without exploding upon launching is still yet to be determined. But still. Every time you look up in the sky you have to expect to see some missile heading your way. But look at them now. All it takes is one little international hockey tournament to roll around and all of a sudden, North and South Korea are linemates.
It’s the Miracle On Ice Pt. 2, Electric Boogaloo.
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Think about it this way. Just picture whatever player in the NHL you hate the most. For me, it’s a toss up between Tom Wilson and Sidney Crosby. Considering Crosby has had an incredible amount of success at every level of the sport, I don’t think he really fits as a good comparison to North Korea. Considering Tom Wilson is a plug and the only thing he has going for him is that he’s violent, he actually seems like the perfect metaphor for North Korea. So I hate Tom Wilson the same way that South Koreans hate North Koreans, and vice-versa. However, if Tom Wilson were ever to get traded to the Philadelphia Flyers, I’d have no other choice but to love the guy. You spend your whole life hating your opponents. But once you’re wearing the same uniform, you realize they’re actually not that bad. You realize you can actually sort of like them. You’re teammates and you’ll do anything for your teammates because you’re ferda boys like that.
So with North and South Korea combining hockey teams? Well now all of Korea is ferda boys. They’re taking team showers together. You take a team shower with someone and you’re bonded together for life. All of a sudden, the hostility between the two nations comes to an end. North Korea calms the fuck down, they stop threatening to blow up the world every other day, and it’s all thanks to the wonderful sport of hockey.
Unless, of course, North Korea agrees to combine hockey teams but ends up murdering all of the South Korean players in the locker room. Then that might just add to the hostility a bit. Either way, should be a crazy time.