Sorry But You Can Get The Heck Out Of Here With These Robot Dogs

You know what’s great about dogs? Pretty much everything. I’m not one of those dog people who feels the need to constantly refer to them as “doggos” and go out of my way to pet every single dog I come across. But I’m also willing to bet that I like more dogs than I do people. I feel like everybody who isn’t a serial killer can agree with that sentiment. There are very few things that I would change about dogs and that’s the exact reason why we don’t need any robotic versions of them. Why fix something that’s not broke, right?

And secondly, just how fucking dumb do these robot people think we are? Is this not the most blatant move of all time. I’ve been warning people about the robot revolution for years now. Robots are getting bigger, stronger, and smarter by the day. These science bitches don’t know when to stop and eventually they’re going to create a robot so advanced that the human race will be wiped off the map entirely. The one thing that’s been holding up the robot revolution through these years, however, is that the majority of humans are still opposed to having robots in their home. It takes an extremely lonely and depressed loser to actually purchase a sex robot. It takes some sort of Japanese tech billionaire to actually have one of these sons of bitches in their home.

But a robotic dog? Something that, despite the fact that it’s clearly evil, still looks pretty dang adorable?


Well now you’re just pandering. And unfortunately, it’s going to work. Because there are going to be so many people who are so brainwashed by their love for dogs that they’ll buy one of these instantly. All of a sudden, the year is 2028 and robot dogs have phased out real dogs. Now every home on the block has an Amazon Echo and one of these robopooches in their home. Then one morning you hear some strange sound coming out of the Amazon Echo. Turns out it’s a dog whistle and it’s the official signal for your “cute” little Aibo to turn on their human owners and start the Robot Revolution. By lunch time, half the humans in the world have already been taken out and we haven’t even gotten to the ones who will get murdered by their sexbot later that night.

So yeah. These robot dogs can kindly go frig themselves. Not my pooch.