Elon Musk Lost A Super Secret Spy Satellite Because His SpaceX Rocket Couldn't Even Get Out Of Orbit

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CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — A secret satellite code-named Zuma that was launched by SpaceX from Cape Canaveral on Sunday night may be lost, reports say. The Wall Street Journal and other news outlets report that the top-secret satellite never made it into orbit and authorities believe it has plummeted back into the atmosphere. The unmanned Falcon rocket blasted off from the space coast on Sunday night, carrying the satellite toward an undisclosed orbit. The WSJ, citing industry and government officials, said the satellite didn’t separate from Falcon 9’s upper stage as it should have. SpaceX ended commentary on the mission five minutes after liftoff, given the classified nature of the satellite. But the company continued to broadcast the return of the first-stage booster to Cape Canaveral, where it landed upright.

What an idiot! What a fucking idiot Elon Musk is! That’s a big win for Team Boeing. Talk about a moral booster. This is the guy who’s gonna beat us to Mars? Whose mans is this? This guy can’t even get his SpaceX rocket outta orbit. Hey buddy, good job. You lost a super secret satellite. I bet people are still gonna pat you on the back and suck your dick. That’s how it goes. Elon Musk shoots a glorified bottle rocket into the air and people give him a standing ovation. It’s disgusting and I weep for my fellow man every time they fall for his bullshit. Now he’s lost of seemingly very important piece of equipment and will likely face little backlash for it.

Elon Musk stans are the WORST. In fact, my friend Nate Dogg walked in as I was about to write this blog. He saw the headline and was like, “What you don’t get is that Elon is thinking so far ahead of everyone and is doing things that our stupid little brains can’t even comprehend. He’s 500 years before his time.” I don’t accept that argument. I just don’t. I refuse to blindly suck a guy’s dick because he makes grand proclamations about how he’s gonna get us to Mars and shit but then his rockets can’t even get out of orbit. Elon puts out the perception that he’s a super duper genius because he knows simpletons will buy into his shtick. Saying he’s doing things our brains can’t comprehend is a loser’s attitude. You know what I can comprehend? Failure and that’s seemingly all Elon Musk does.

And to everyone who always says, “What about Tesla! He created Teslas and they’re the best!”

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Another example in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnng list of examples of Elon promising something then not delivering.