Oregon Enacts Law Making People Pump Their Own Gas, And Many Oregonians Don't Know How!

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HuffPo- House Bill 2482, which was signed into law last year by Gov. Kate Brown, allows motorists to pump their own gas in nearly half of Oregon’s 36 counties.

Oregon and New Jersey had long been the only two states in the U.S. to bar customers from pumping their own fuel ? a job performed by gas station attendants.

A sampling of concerns:

“I don’t even know HOW to pump gas and I am 62, native Oregonian … I say NO THANKS! I don’t want to smell like gasoline!”

“I’ve lived in this state all my life and I REFUSE to pump my own gas … This a service only qualified people should perform. I will literally park at the pump and wait until someone pumps my gas.”

“I go to work at 5 in the morning. Not a lot of people at the gas pumps at that time in the morning. And yes, I will not feel safe pumping my own gas … Not to mention it’s freezing and rainy. So thank you to all who voted to change it. You have now taken away a nice luxury that most of us enjoyed.”

“Many people are not capable of knowing how to pump gas and the hazards of not doing it correctly. Besides I don’t want to go to work smelling of gas when I get it on my hands or clothes. I agree Very bad idea.”

“Yuck! Pumping my [own] fuel in freezing temperatures and handling a nasty ole fuel nozzle that 50 other people have touched that day (and who knows what cooties are on there), no thank you. It’s nice to not have to pump your own fuel.”

I’ve spent some time in New Jersey, where you’re not allowed to pump your own gas, and it always blows my mind. How dare you prevent me from pumping my own gas, Chris Christie? First, I like pumping my gas. I like the satisfying pop of pulling open the gas tank, I like the clicks as I unscrew the lid, and I like the grimy, egg salad smell of gas fumes.I also like latching the handle into automatic mode, but sometimes I keep manual pressure on the handle because I like to know that I’m feeding the car with my own fingers. It’s the same reason that some mothers hire a nanny but then fire them, quit their job, and become stay-at-home moms: you don’t want some other bitch feeding your baby. I love stepping back into my car high as a kite from jamming my nose into the tank and quaffing some deep breaths before tearing down the freeway with a package of chocolate-covered almonds and a Sobe juice making me feel like a ninja lizard. And most of all, I like seeing the gas gauge go from empty to full. It’s like stepping through a med-pack in a video game when your health is in critical condition. Blooooooop, full! Now let’s go kill some bad guys with this energy sword/Toyota Prius.

But the real problem with having some guy pump your gas is that you have to tip him. Sometimes, he’ll start washing your windshield with a squeegee, and then you have to tip him more. If I’m at a gas station, I want to save those spare bucks for snacks. String cheese, gogurts, and the occasional white chocolate reese’s cups are not purchased when I’ve blown all my snack money on tipping some dude for doing a job I wanted to do. Then, back on the road, I resent illegal immigrants for taking a job from me even though it’s perfectly likely the guy was a citizen. And now I’m a racist. All because I didn’t get to peel my string cheese.

In short, Oregonians, shut up. This is good for the country. This is how we build the wall without building a wall. Pump your own gas, you hippies. Seems entirely antithetical that you purport to be a group of environmentally-conscious, bike-riding timber farmers and yet you can’t fill your own gas tanks. Get over yourselves and huff that nozzle like the rest of us plebeians.