Pakistan Had To Call Over The US Ambassador To Explain What The Hell Trump's Tweet About Pakistan Meant

The HillThe U.S. ambassador to Pakistan was reportedly summoned to the foreign ministry over a tweet from President Trump that accused the government in Islamabad of “lies & deceit.”

A spokesperson for the U.S. Embassy confirmed to Reuters that Ambassador David Hale met with the Pakistani foreign office.

Islamabad, Pakistan

It’s 5:15 in the evening as Pakistani leadership sits around a heavy, dark brown, wooden table. They’re discussing important manners, like how to be worse at harboring terrorists. An aide rushes in, gains the attention of the room (which takes a while due to the aide’s significantly lesser status compared to the others filling the room), and announces that American President Donald Trump has published a new tweet about Pakistan.

The defense minister asks what the US president’s tweet says.

The aide tells the leadership, not in English but in the local Arabic language Urdu, that President Trump has threatened to cut off aid to Pakistan, and declared the country has given the US nothing but “lies and deceit.”

The minister sits quietly for about 10 seconds. His face then forms a slight smirk as he turns his attention to the table, asking, “What is Donald Trump’s stance on foreign policy?”

“We’re not sure,” one says after a short pause, speaking for the table.

“If you mess with the US, there will be hell toupee.”

The room laughs. 

“I saw that online,” the minister says before turning his attention back to the aide. “No, seriously, what did the tweet say?”

“That is our translation, your majesty. Shall I summon the US Ambassador?”


The next morning, the US Ambassador arrives.

Asked by Pakistan’s foreign minister to translate Trump’s tweet, the ambassador reads, “Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me ‘old,’ when I would NEVER call him ‘short and fat?’ Oh well, I try s– … Oops, wrong tweet. That was for North Korea. My apologies.”

“Please translate the Pakistan tweet.”

The ambassador translates the tweet. Same translation as the aide.

Puzzled, the minister requests of the ambassador, “Please tell us from where the president acquired this stance on Pakistan?”

White House Residence, Washington DC, United States

President Trump sits alone in a short, white robe watching Fox News’ ‘The Five.’ The phone rings.

“Hello, this is the president.”

“I know, Mr. President, this is the White House operator.”

“Are you watching ‘The Five’? Great journalists.”

“No, sir. I have the US Ambassador to Pakistan on the line.”

“Patch her through.”

“It’s a he.”

“Patch it through.”

The ambassador is patched through. “Hello Mr. President. I do not wish to take up much of your time. I have a qui–“

“Are you watching ‘The Five’?”

“No, sir.”

“What’s up?”

“Sir, the Pakistani leadership would like clarification on your policy toward Pakistan after yo–“

“Fuck Pakistan. I was watching TV back in 2011 when we killed Bin Laden. That fucker’d been living peacefully 5 feet from the capital. So fuck Pakistan.”

And that, my friends, if we’re being honest with each other, is tough to argue with.