I Spent My Christmas Break Becoming Obsessed With BBC

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I’ve been considering whether or not I should make this announcement, as good American boys like me shouldn’t be pimping the British Broadcasting Corporation, but I’ve gotta live my truth on this one: British tv kicks the shit out of American tv.

It all started when I watched season 4 of Peaky Blinders and Netflix’s fancy algorithm started recommending me some more BBC shows to look into. Trusting technology, I decided to see what the fuss was all about and guess what? It fucking crushes. I barely got out of my bed during the entire break, I just drew the blinds and hit “play next” every hour like the stupid, mindless person I am.

First, I hammered through Luther and that’s pretty much my favorite show ever now. Then came Broadchurch, and Happy Valley, and The Fall. They were all incredible.

Why’s BBC so great? I’m glad you asked. First of all they can say naughty words and show naughty parts like nipples and butts. That automatically puts you into the upper echelon of networks. Second, basically all of their shows star people who are now movie superstars America. Finally, and this is the best part, the seasons are like 6 to 8 episodes. At first, that’s jarring and I railed against it. But as time wore on, it grew on me like a motherfucker. I HATE shows with more than ten episodes in a season now, as there’s no point. I also watched The Killing and in episode three they’re pretending they caught the guy and I was screaming at my computer “It’s episode three! There are thirteen episodes! I KNOW this isn’t the guy, why are you wasting my time?!” When there are only six episodes there’s no time for stupid storylines that are all but adding adjectives to your book report in order to hit the page minimum. With BBC you get none of that. The show starts and it’s like “here’s the killer, he’s the bad guy, here’s the cop, he’s the good guy. Now let’s see how it plays out.” It’s fucking beautiful. Plus the way the talk is cool as hell. They use words we don’t and if you pop on the subtitles then you’re basically reading. Entertaining and educational? Folks that’s the sweet spot!

So yeah, I’m all in on the BBC now because I’m cultured as shit. Don’t come to me with your stupid American television shows anymore, they’re beneath me.

PS – I recognized a Faulkner quote while watching Luther and I swear it was literally the smartest I’ve ever felt. I did a fucking fist pump in my bed I was so excited.