Here Is A Detailed Description Of My Actual Workout From This Morning

So my pal Uncle Chaps is in charge of tracking all of the Barstool Sports New Years resolutions. He just blogged that I worked out this morning after I tweeted the information. One of my resolutions is to workout more in 2018. So I woke up early as fuck this morning and plodded to the gym.

This is what Chaps envisioned for my workout

“So 4 sets of 12 on the cable rows. 4 sets of 12 on the lat pulldowns. Switch the grip and do it again with a reverse grip. After that, switch it up and focus on the biceps. Really get those babies to pop before heading into the office. 3 sets of 20 with lighter weight. You know he kicked em out at the top to get that peak bicep work. Noice.”

That’s a VERY ambitious workout and I appreciate Chaps for having such faith in me. What was my actual workout this morning? I did 30 minutes on an elliptical. That’s it. That’s all I did and I’ll tell you why. I’ve thought long and hard about getting back into the gym. I haven’t gone with earnest since high school. That was back when I was a star linebacker in Cedar Rapids, Iowa so there was a lot of weights being thrown around. A lot of of yelling and screaming and testosterone painting the walls.

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I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t do that anymore. And why would I? Being jacked does nothing for me as a 28-year-old man (I know right, my face does look like I’m 35). The conclusion I came to is that I just need to move around more so I don’t weigh as much. Science. No bicep curls. No cable rows. No lat pulldowns. No grunting. Elliptical only. I simply need to move my body around more so I don’t pack as much weight on my body. That’s it. Maybe eat a little better, too. I was doing nothing before. Now I’m doing a little more than nothing and that’s perfect.