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There's A New Bar In New York That Also Teaches You How To Throw Axes

This is just my personal opinion, but the only thing worse than mixing alcohol with texting is mixing alcohol with throwing axes. I dunno. I’m sure these guys are really safe and everything, but I’ve seen people fuck up and accidentally throw an ax at another human being while completely sober, so I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that someone is gonna catch an ax to the chest at one point or another. Just the law of averages at work. Natural selection. Survival of the fittest.

It’s just mildly concerning when the object that you’re doing your fun activity with also doubles as a potential murder weapon. Guys are very competitive. Testosterone and all that. Those competitive juices flow even harder when you’re slamming back Bud Heavies. Just imagine how many bros would be dead right now if you could kill someone with an Xbox controller. I mean, you could, but it’d be really hard. Much easier with an ax, in my opinion.

THAT BEING SAID, I want to do this and I’m GOING to do this. I’m over the whole traditional bar scene. You fuckin’ show up, you stand around, you can’t hear anything that the person standing a foot away from you is saying, random people bumping into you and spilling shit on you.

Depending on who you’re at the bar with — I won’t mention any names — but if you’re out with Smitty, you have to listen to shitty Bruce Springsteen on the juke box all night, completely killing the vibe in the bar, making every girl leave to go somewhere else that isn’t playing Bruce Springsteen. I’m just over it, man. Bring on the axes. Let’s get nuts.