HuffPo- When Miller married her college sweetheart, Jonathan, in September, she thought creating floral arrangements using flowers from her 29-acre plot of land near Lincoln, Nebraska, would be a nice touch.
One type of flower that caught Miller’s eye was snow-on-the-mountain, which is known for its lovely white blooms.
It’s also known for being poisonous, but Miller didn’t realize that until she went to wash her face the morning of her wedding, not realizing the sap residue was still on her hands from doing the floral arrangements from the night before.
Ever the trooper, Miller put on her gown and went to the ceremony. She walked down the aisle to get hitched feeling absolutely terrible.
“I literally couldn’t see my husband when I was saying my vows because my vision went blurry,” she told HuffPost by email. “So blurry I passed out twice at my reception.”
After the vows were exchanged, the Millers didn’t go to the reception. Instead, they went to the hospital to get medication for the bride.
When the couple did arrive, Miller was no longer in her white wedding dress, instead wearing pajama pants and a shirt Jonathan found at Target that read “Bride.”
The Millers did dance at the reception, but the bride said she wasn’t able to eat, drink or be merry.
“I laid underneath my grandparents table for a large portion of the night icing my eyeballs and crying,” Miller said.
I don’t usually like wedding stories. In fact, I hate them. Over the past few years, I’ve been systematically distancing myself from friends in relationships that looked destined for marriage. The reason is that I don’t want them to invite me to their wedding. You’re not supposed to turn down a wedding invitation, so I want it to be their choice to exclude me. I certainly don’t belong there, and I won’t bring anything positive to the event, but a lot of my friends stupidly believe that somewhere, deep down, there’s a good person in me; a person that should “share their special day.” YUCK! No thanks! It’s all the toasts and speeches. Especially the fathers talking about their daughters. And sometimes they start crying? God, get over it you blubbery beluga. She’s not that special; she thought it was a good idea to invite me to her wedding, which says a lot about her decision-making ability. She’s a moron.
With that said, I wish the Millers a lifetime of happiness. Christina Jo is a ride-or-die chick who was running to the hospital for shots in between the ceremony and the reception. She came to the reception in pajamas and a Target t-shirt that said “bride”! I think most women, at that point, would have said fuck it, we’re doomed. Just too many bad omens on your wedding day to think your marriage has any chance at all. Not CJ Miller. I’m proud of you, girl.
Having said that, she picked the poisonous flowers herself. This is the type of girl who will eat the wrong berries on a hike. But as long as she stays indoors, I’m sure they’ll live happily ever after.