Metro- As Gemma Maxey tells her son Leo that Santa is coming, the two-year-old is obviously puzzled and asks ‘why’. And when the 27-year-old mum-of-three tells him again, the confused kid from nowhere says ‘what the f**k’.
‘He does have a lot of male family members and he desperately wants to be a grown man. ‘He mimics his dad a lot with a deep, gravelly voice and he pretends to get in a taxi to go to work.
This kid is a treasure. Move over, Charlie bit my finger, and make way for the incredulous “whut da fook?” Santa kid. He absolutely nailed that line. The head turn, the look, the outfit = child porn, and I mean that metaphorically. Like when people watch clips of Belichik in the locker room and they call it Patriots porn. I don’t mean actual child porn, which is by far the worst porn.
It’s also the only line he says that one can understand at all. Everything else is completely indecipherable. Maybe he’ll learn elocution as he gets older, but five stars to his mom for translating this gibberish. Little kids who can’t speak are adorable until they reach a certain age, at which point it becomes a “speech impediment” and they find themselves the targets of merciless bullying, after-school sessions with speech pathologists, and a shame-instilled preference for silence that evolves into a sinister habit of murdering small forrest animals. Trust me–if that curly-haired kid from Stranger Things doesn’t get that role, and all the fame and glory that accompanies it, he’d have a backyard full of skewered mice and pigeons, aka his “friends.”
Lastly, this is a terrific illustration of why I won’t be a good parent. If my kid said “what the fuck” like that, I would lose my goddamn mind. I’d be laughing for weeks, encouraging him to say it again. I’d invite my friends over and tee my son up to say it as often as possible. Eventually, we’d grow tired of the joke and my kid would dig deeper. He’d go racist, sexist, homophobic… bigger and badder to get the laughs. I would grow ashamed of him, send him off to military reform school. There, he’d learn new and more efficient ways to trap and kill woodland creatures behind the barracks.
The point is, some people can’t avoid their fate. Try as he might, my son will murder animals for amusement. And that’s why I’m not having sex anymore. You’re welcome, PETA.