Well that answers that. I am not going to lie, ever since Mike announced he was leaving radio, I thought there was a tiiiiiiny chance that he could end up here. Once we got our own Sirius channel, that tiny chance grew in my mind but it was still smaller than the peas all the haters shoot at him. Small, but still a chance. I guess I could have asked if we actually had a shot, but I usually find out big announcements at Barstool the same way Stoolies do: Through Pres Conferences, Stool Scenes, or tweets. And this is how I found out Mike definitely isn’t coming. Numbah One will not be bringing his resumes, longevity, ratings, paychecks, perfectly coifed hair, incredible teeth, legion of Mongos, and the motherfucking Mink Man to Barstool Radio. What a damn shame. Especially because Mike came out as being not a #TeamPortnoy guy, even though I’m sure that’s partially because Mike only runs with one team: #TeamZaun. But can you imagine if Mike came out as a #TeamKFC guy and it led to a Pres vs. Zaun feud at Barstool? A clash of egos so big it would create a new weight class when it came to media feuds. The Marvel Civil War times a hundred, thousand, trillion with Barstool’s pirate ship likely ending up as nothing but sawdust once all is said and done. Maybe in the end, it’s good that Mike isn’t coming, ughkay?
Shout out to Mike in Tom’s River for waiting on hold to ask Mike if he was going to join #TeamPortnoy and our merry band of misfits here at Bahstool Spawts dot com. Is that right? Bahstool Spawts dot com. What a journey we’ve gone on together. Mike went from calling KFC “Duh t-shirt guy” when he gave Mike the infamous Numbah One shirt years ago to mentioning how much he likes Barstool on his show and turning down the notion of him joining Barstool without laughing it off in typical Francesa fashion. As a diehard Stoolie and longtime Francesa fan, that was an extremely cool moment to hear.
Also I don’t know what’s funnier, the thought of Dave firing back at Mike for not being #TeamPortnoy from behind a water cooler or the thought of Mike actually being #TeamPortnoy and posing for a team picture with Dave, YP, Frankie Borrelli, Zah, Bryce Harper, and Jake Paul. Just typing out that crew caused my brain to bleed.