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We Need To Talk About YP's Ass And The Way He Dresses

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Little glimpse behind the curtain of Barstool HQ: the most talked about thing in our office, easily, is the ass of Young Pageviews. Moments ago work, which happens on rare occasion to begin with, entirely ceased so everyone could gather around and objectify YP. Guys, girls, everyone shimmied over for a glimpse and a comment. It was insane but can you blame us? I mean look at that thing! The seams of his sweatpants are hanging on for dear life in that last picture.

We don’t participate in victim blaming around here but YP needs to lock this thing up before he gets everyone in trouble. I don’t know what he can do, I doubt that thing fits in jeans, I guess maybe Hammer Pants should be the move? But it needs to happen because clearly the lulus and Barstool quilteds aren’t leaving much to the imagination. He cannot keep dressing so provocatively (and he knows he’s draggin a wagon too, he’s always walking around and putting his hands in his pocket to pull them tighter) in the workplace. For god’s sake look at how distracted Frankie is! He’s captivated!

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The other day Kevin flat-out said “I would fuck YP’s ass.” Ria just said it’s the most jealous she’s ever been of anything in her life. YP himself said “If I didn’t have to look at my face I’d fuck my own ass.”

If YP was a woman, or if we were in just about any other American office, we’d be in some serious trouble and I don’t see a way out of it unless YP starts covering up. When there are fireworks in the sky I look up and when YP’s shaking that thing around, like Kate Upton’s titties bouncing down the runway, I look over. It’s human nature and until he puts on a muumuu it’s gonna keep happening.

PS – Most people wouldn’t write this blog but I’m not afraid. YP’s got a great ass. You gotta acknowledge facts.