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Indian Man Experiences Stomach Troubles After Eating 263 Coins And 100 Nails

I’m not gonna shit on this fella for eating some coins and a few dozen nails. For a few weeks last year, I tried to adopt a more vegetarian style of eating. As you know, I’ve had diarrhea since Easter of 2007, so the new diet was meant to quell the raging sea of my stomach. The near-meat only added to the waves in my belly. So, I’m back on meat.

One issue with eating a vegetarian diet is that the food isn’t weighty enough. Buddy, you can eat 7 pounds of cauliflower rice and still feel like you are running on empty. You’re tired of the beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes.. you name it. So you do what any man who needs to put a little meat on his bones without actually eating meat. You head to the coin jar.

You start chowing down on dimes, nickels, quarters… pennies. Oh the sweet copper of the gods. Love pennies. You cant get enough silver dollars down your gullet fast enough. You’re having a fiscal feast. You get greedy. You open the toolbox and see a delicious box of nails just waiting to be covered in gravy. Next thing you know, you are trying to shit nails. Whoa. Sharp!

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Your family ends up taking you to the doctor. The bill is gonna be out of control because India doesn’t have ObamaCare yet. That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that your wife knows you’ve been cheating on your diet. Some good news, though. This doctor visit explains why it sounds like you’ve got a Salvation Army Christmas Bell jingling in your belly everytime you do your wife from behind. The noise was distracting but it’s funny to switch up sexual routines in the marriage bed. And to think, I always thought coin purse was a nickname for testicles. Turns out, people were talking about the small intestine this whole time. Jingle all the way, indeed. Merry Christmas.