Lady Can't Get A Boyfriend So She Knits Herself One, Starts New Fake Boyfriend Fad That Is A Crock Of Shit
(Source) All you chronically lonely ladies and gentlemen condemned to curling up with cyberporn on Saturday nights — have I got hot guys for you! Meet Arthur. He’s cute. He’s free of emotional baggage, back acne or an overbearing mother. He also won’t leave the toilet seat in an upright position. And then there’s Steve. Like Arthur, he won’t gamble away the rent money, hire hookers or freebase crack. This guy is easily dominated and doesn’t smoke cigarettes, eat, drink alcohol — or anything else. He never complains. In fact, he doesn’t say anything at all.
Arthur and Steve aren’t actual men. They’re cuddly and inanimate man substitutes collectively called My Knitted Boyfriend. They were created by Noortje de Keijzer, a 26-year-old designer based in Utrecht, Holland — a marketing genius for the man-hating set. While a student two years ago, de Keijzer was so lonely that she conjured up her idea of male perfection for her graduation project at the Design Academy Eindhoven. Arthur, who bears a light complexion, was hand-knitted by de Keijzer’s mother and grandmother. Steve, who has dark-brown phony skin, was made on an industrial knitting machine by a knitwear designer. Arthur and Steve already have attracted international media attention and an unhealthy amount of interest from sad sacks who can’t find loyal male companions in bars, on the streets or on JDate.com or Match.com.
De Keijzer plans soon to sell a limited edition of five to nine machine-washable men on her Web site, noortjedekeijzer.nl. Then each new one will be made to order. For about 750 euros ($1,028), a My Knitted Boyfriend is a bargain compared with the costs of feeding and clothing a sentient male. She wrote in an e-mail — de?Keijzer did not want to talk to me on the phone — “It doesn’t matter how pretty you are, everybody can feel lonely from time to time.” In another message, she revealed she’s hooked up with a human. “Me, my boyfriend and my knitted boyfriends are all living happily together!”
Creepy. Each man comes with a pillow in a cloth exterior. Buyers will be able to add masculine accessories, including knit mustaches, beards, bow ties, eyeglasses and anchor tattoos. But each My Knitted Boyfriend has no rigid body parts. (Get your minds out of the gutter. These things are artworks, not sex toys.)
All you cat ladies have officially met your match. Can’t possibly get crazier than knitting your own boyfriend because you’re unable to get a real one. And that’s the takeaway in this. No reasonable looking chick should ever complain about not being able to get a boyfriend or finding a guy that will fuck her. The line is down the block you idiot. Any girl that is not obese and a 5 or better can walk outside right this second and find a guy who is willing to say “I love you” and “lets snuggle” just so he can fuck. It’s so easy for chicks to get laid, just don’t be super gross and you’re set (also sometimes you can even be super gross and still be set). So the fact that this girl is knitting boyfriends and complaining about men is an absolute farce. Be more of a whiny bitch, you can’t.
Also, some weird things in this entire article that need to be addressed.
1. Like Arthur, he won’t gamble away the rent money, hire hookers or freebase crack
Not enthused by Arthur’s slow descent there in one sentence. Feel like I just had a quick flash to the future and it wasn’t great.
2. “Me, my boyfriend and my knitted boyfriends are all living happily together!”
How big of a pussy is that guy? To let your girlfriend have a knitted boyfriend just sitting around the house one upping you in the “Doesn’t say stupid shit and is always down to cuddle” department. It’s like living with an overachiever, fuck that.
3. All you chronically lonely ladies and gentlemen condemned to curling up with cyberporn on Saturday nights
Can’t be more out of touch than calling it “cyberporn”. Not possible.